When a leader fails; judgement, grace and restoration

The first elders meeting after the pastor was caught was tense. Some of the elders didn’t see why this was such a big deal, others were focused on a speedy path to restoration, while one elder believed the pastor’s actions were disqualifying and grounds for immediate dismissal. Over the course of the next few weeks the elders coalesced around three main questions:

  1. Who are we to pass judgement?
  2. Shouldn’t we extend the same grace the pastor preached about?
  3. How soon can we restore the pastor?

By the end of the month the lone dissenting elder resigned and left the church, leaving the other six to move forward on a path that led to the pastor’s return to preaching within weeks, and reinstatement in a lead role soon after. It became obvious that it was time to for me to leave because my answers to the three questions above clearly did not align with those of the elders.

Every time a church leader’s immorality becomes public I see a form of these questions on blog sites and on social media. Who are we to judge? Don’t we believe in grace? Isn’t restoration the goal? I have spent a lot of time thinking, praying, and reading about these questions, and have landed at the same place I was when I left that church; the answers are in the questions.

Who are we to judge?

Jesus admonition, “Do not judge others…” in Matthew 7 is the go-to verse for the point of view that we are in no position to judge others. Paul clearly said that “All have sinned,” so how can we in good conscience judge others? Who are we to judge?

The full context of Jesus’ words are helpful.

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

Matthew 7:1-5 NLT

Jesus did not prohibit judging, he is simply explaining how the Kingdom works. Since I will be judged, I will be subject to the same standard that I set for others. The answer isn’t no standard, no judgement, the answer is consistency.

Neither did Jesus say we should never take a speck out of a friend’s eye. He said we need to deal with our junk before dealing with other people’s sin. He didn’t say leave others blinded, he said do the necessary work in our own lives first.

In his first letter to the Corinthian church Paul clearly says that we are to judge other Christians.

It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning. God will judge those on the outside; but as the Scriptures say, “You must remove the evil person from among you.”

1 Corinthians 5:12-13 NLT

Since none of us is without sin, there is no place for self-righteousness in the church. There is, however, an important time and place for sober minded judgement when a leader is in sin.

What about grace?

If the core of Christianity is grace, if we are all sinners saved by grace, how can we not extend the same grace Jesus offers us to pastors and leaders who fail? Look at King David, he sexually assaulted his neighbor and then had her husband killed to cover his sin. If David can be called “a man after God’s own heart,” then who are we to condemn another man for his sin?

It is interesting to look at the context of this quote. When Paul refers to David as a man after God’s own heart he is citing 1 Samuel 13:14 when Samuel says to Saul,

“But now your kingdom must end, for the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart. The Lord has already appointed him to be the leader of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command.”

1 Samuel 13:14 NLT

This takes place before David is anointed King, before he met Uriah and his wife Bathsheba, before Nathan became a prophet, and before David committed some of the most egregious sins recorded in the Bible. Samuel wasn’t endorsing David’s actions, he was speaking prophetically about a man he’d yet to meet. David’s actions, later condemned by Nathan, led to catastrophic results for David, his family, and for the kingdom of Israel. David wasn’t immune to grace, but neither did grace give David immunity for his actions.

Grace is a messy, difficult thing. In God’s grace he allowed Jesus to die a horrible death, under the banner of grace Ananias and Saphira died for their deception. Grace isn’t some kind of cosmic get out of jail free card.

Grace in the absence of justice is simply license, a free pass to sin and the destruction that comes with it.

Isn’t restoration the goal?

Within days or weeks of the revelation of a leader’s sin the conversation turns to restoration. What will the process look like? How long will it take? Who should lead the organization while we wait for the leader to return? The challenge is we often confuse restoration with reinstatement. Reinstatement is about getting the leader back into the same role. Restoration is about

    • Restoring a right relationship with God
    • Restoring a shrunken heart
    • Restoring a marriage, and family
    • Restoring broken relationships
    • Restoring health to people crushed by the leader’s sin
    • Restoring integrity, trust, holiness

There is no set timeline or program for restoration. Restoration requires repentance, time, accountability, introspection, amends, reconstruction of a life and soul.

Restoration built on a timeline for reinstatement will fail. True restoration will take a lifetime.

I am not saying that every leader with moral sin is permanently disqualified from reinstatement to ministry; the circumstances of immorality vary wildly. Reinstatement just can’t be the primary goal of restoration. Some leaders can come back to ministry, some can even come back to the role where they failed. Some cannot. Reinstatement should be a completely separate conversation from restoration. Every leader is eligible for restoration, not every leader is eligible for reinstatement.

The last word

I hope this topic will simply cease to be a thing. Pastors will stop sleeping with people they’re not married to, leaders will stop using their power for sex, and church staff will simply use texting for important messages and stupid memes. While we wait for that day let’s agree to a sober understanding of judgment, grace, and restoration when others fail.

Immoral Pastors and Path to Destruction

Over the past few weeks several high profile Christian leaders have been forced to step down because of sins they committed with or against others. I know some of these leaders from a distance, some are acquaintances, and some are friends. Each public revelation of sin has been shocking and beyond comprehension, culminating with appalling news that Robert Morris, the founder of Gateway Church in Dallas, sexually molested a girl for over four years, beginning when she was 12 years old. I don’t have a category for the kind of depravity that does something like that, and then covers it up for 35 years while leading a church with global reach. The question I keep asking is how do we, as pastors and leaders, respond to the immorality among our peers.

I think there are several answers. First, we have to ask, “Are there systemic problems in western church culture that lead to failure by some of our most prominent leaders?” I think it is a huge mistake to see each story as an isolated event, a one off from the norm. It is important that we discover the common threads, the cultural soil, that breeds and promotes such dysfunction in those we follow. We need honest conversations, not just axe grinding against what we don’t understand or agree with, to find the path to holiness in our leaders and organizations. Many leaders are asking the right questions; I hope to be at the table for some of those conversations.

The second response is to ask, “How do I keep from going to the path to destruction; destruction for myself, my family, the people I lead, and the congregation I serve?” As much as I want to see a change in church culture, the only change I can truly impact is the change in the guy I see in the mirror every morning. As church leaders we have to take a long, hard look at ourselves before we point fingers or jump to conclusions. This is what the apostle Paul said about himself in his first letter to the church at Corinth.

So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:26-27 NLT

C.S. Lewis said that the path to disqualification is a gradual one. We don’t wake up one day and decide to violate our marriage covenant, or to bring a lifetime of harm to someone we have power over. We simply take the next, easy step on the road.

“Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one–the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.”
C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

In 42 yeas of vocational ministry I have seen many leaders disappear down that road, and I’ve occasionally found myself on somewhere on that path as well. When I read of another fallen pastor my first reaction isn’t, “How could he?” my reaction is, “How is it not me?”

So how do we get off the road to disqualification? Here are several dangerous attitudes I look for in my life, they might resonate with you as well.

I’m immune

I know I’m in a dangerous place when I find myself thinking, “I would never go down that path, I’m too close to Jesus.” No one is immune. If you are breathing there is a path to destruction for you. Your path won’t look like mine, and it probably won’t look like any of the prominent leaders you read about on social media, but it exists.

I’ve heard another flavor of immunity from peers my age that sounds like this, “I might have gone down that path in the past, but now I’m mature.” Until I’m worm food I am capable of some pretty awful things. Age does not make me immune from disqualification.

A feeling of immunity is simply pride in disguise, and pride always goes before a fall.

I’m Exempt

This is the dangerous thought that I have moved beyond doing the basic things other Christians need to do. Sure, church attendance is good for new Christians, small groups work for less mature believers, and serving in a local church is a great way to get started, but I’m beyond all that. I’m amazed at the number of leaders of national ministries who haven’t been part of a local church for years, and how many pastors don’t participate in the life of their own church.

My battle with feeling exempt starts with stacking chairs. I have stacked and unstacked thousands of chairs over five decades of ministry. I could write a doctoral dissertation on chair stacking. I hate stacking chairs. When it comes time to move the chairs, there is a voice in my head saying, “You have put in your time; you are too old to be stacking chairs. You are at a level of leadership well above such a mundane task. Chair stacking is for those below you on the org chart.” And that is when I know its time to grit my teeth, say bowling words under my breath, and throw another chair on the stack. I am not exempt.

I’m Excused

Once I feel exempt from certain disciplines and responsibilities it is a short ride to feeling that I have valid excuses for the sin in my life. I am exhausted, stressed out, overwhelmed. I need an outlet, a break, an escape. It was just one time, it was in the past. I knew it was wrong, but everyone sins a little. I have it under control.

Pastoring and leading are hard, the demands can be overwhelming, and dealing with constant criticism eats at the soul. Not for a minute, however, does any of that excuse sin in my life. Looking at content I should be looking at, being alone with someone I should not be alone with, or abusing a substance I should avoid are all steps on the road to destruction. I don’t need excuses, I need help. King David said it like this,

“How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don’t let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin.”
Psalms 19:12-13 NLT

I’m Entitled

Entitlement says I am owed something because of my position, my sacrifice, and my value to the organization. I have worked hard to get to where I am, my gifted leadership is why this ministry is successful, and I am owed a higher level of respect and treatment than others. I am entitled to the perks of leadership.

Jesus knew the destruction of entitlement, which is why he wrapped a towel around his waist and washed dirty feet at his last dinner with his disciples. The human soul was not created to be worshipped, so Jesus called us to be servants not masters. Servants don’t have reserved parking places, personal attendants, or secret perks. I know that goes against the root of “honor culture”, but Jesus said, “I did not come to be served, but to serve others.” You cannot feel entitled while wearing a towel and washing dirty feet, and you cannot serve others when they are forced to bow to you and the whims of your will.

Entitlement is better known as idolatry, and I’m the idol.

I’m Numb

One of the most dangerous steps on the road to destruction is feeling numb. People’s stories no longer move me, I don’t feel anything during times of worship, I am just showing up and doing my job. Rather than passion and compassion I feel tired and angry. If I could find an off ramp I’d take it, but this is all I know how to do.

Feeling numb doesn’t necessarily lead to sexual immorality, substance abuse, or any public cause for disqualification. Continuing to do ministry while feeling nothing is spiritual death; we don’t have to commit any covert sin to be disqualified, we’re already there.

Most of us will never be grist for the online scandal mills because writing juicy gossip about garden variety leaders like you and me doesn’t bring clicks and donations. (Be ware of “reporters” who make a living off the moral failures of others.) We are, however, drawn daily to the path of disqualification and destruction. Let’s follow Paul’s example, and the example of thousands of faithful leaders who’ve gone before us, to stay disciplined, transparent and honest as we navigate the narrow road that leads to life.

Change? Are you kidding me?

It was time for a change, it was time to move the 4:00 pm Saturday service to 5:00 pm. We spent months researching optimum service times, asking families for input and discussing the change with stakeholders. (I didn’t know service times had stakeholders.) When the day came for the change, however, weeping and wailing was heard for miles around. For over a year anonymous cards were dropped in the offering begging, threatening, demanding a return of the 4:00 pm Saturday service. How could a 60-minute shift cause such an uproar? 

If you’ve been in leadership for very long, I’m sure you have your own scars from a change you’ve led. Maybe you changed a policy, painted a wall, or dropped a program. Why does change cause such angst? Either people are mean, or change is hard. While there are certainly mean people, I think the underlying reason for resistance is that change is hard.  

So, the choice is to avoid change whenever possible or to learn effective ways to lead through change. While change will always cause angst for some people, I think there are steps we can take to effectively lead change in a healthy way with as little revolt as possible.  

Step One: Identify the culture 

It is important to understand how the culture of your church responds to change in general. Some cultures are change happy; if they haven’t had a major change in a few weeks they start looking around for something to blow up.  

On the other side of the spectrum is the change averse culture where tradition is important, “new” is suspicious and status quo is revered.  

Here’s a simple test to know if your culture is change happy or change averse; what would it require to change the color of a wall in the nursery? 

Change averse: A committee meeting, a congregational vote and a miracle 

Change happy: A bucket and a paintbrush  

Step Two: Understand the leaders 

To effectively lead change, it is essential to understand how other leaders process change. The opposite ends of the spectrum are represented by a couple of men I have a great deal of respect for: Harold and Rick.  

Harold is my father-in-law, and he is allergic to change. He wore a hole in the seat of several pair of pants because his chair at work had a spring sticking up and he chose to sit on the spring rather than change chairs. Rick is a pastor I once worked for, an incredible visionary who loves change. His motto is, “If God gives me a vision today why would I wait until tomorrow to act?”  

When you are working with a team it is important to identify the “Harolds” and the “Ricks” on your team. With the Harolds you need to spend a lot of time on the why behind the change while Ricks are more interested in the potential outcome.  

Step Three: Enlist the team 

One of the guiding principles for me is something I learned in a Dale Carnegie management course several years ago, “People will support a world they help create.” Very few people like change that is imposed, most people will be onboard with change they help craft. 

Step Four: Leak the news 

Everyone likes to be on the inside track, so it’s important to “leak” the impending change to the people most affected in advance of the big announcement. Often resistance to change is actually resistance to being surprised. The time spent sitting down one-on-one to share the reason behind the change and the vision for the future will pay off down the road. 

Step Five: Cast the vision 

When it’s time to share the change with the larger group always start with the “Why” behind the change.  

  • Why we can’t keep doing it the way we’ve always done it.  
  • While the status quo is comfortable, why we can’t stay where we are.  
  • Why the change, while challenging, will be worth the effort in the end. 

It is easy to skip over the Why and go straight to the What, but people need to understand the impetus behind the change to get onboard with the new reality. 

Step Six: Stay the course 

Often the immediate impact of significant change is that things get worse; attendance goes down, engagement drops and complaints skyrocket. The natural reaction is to run back to the safety of the way we used to do it, but that’s a mistake. Just as Moses refused to go back to Egypt, as leaders we have to withstand the outcry and give change a chance.  

While managing change is challenging it is also essential. Helping people navigate change in a healthy way helps them grow as individuals, strengthens the organization, and increases our own effectiveness as leaders. 

Leading Through Pain

By Sherry Surratt

At 5:30 A.M. I stumbled to the bathroom, jamming my pinky toe on the corner of the cabinet. The pain shot up my leg, jarring my foggy brain into full-awake mode. As I sank to the floor, a sick feeling crept over my insides. One second ago I was thinking about the day ahead, but now I only had one thought: How can I make this pain stop?

When something hurts, we want the pain to end right away. If you’ve ever suffered a break or sprain, you know it demands your full attention; the misery focuses your brain with laser acuity on the offended appendage. With my injured toe, I certainly hadn’t been thinking about it a second ago. But now, I couldn’t think of anything else.

Author Sam Chand in Leadership Pain says there can be great benefits to the pain we experience in leadership. It forms and refines us. It focuses our attention on areas that were previously ignored. It speaks loudly through the moments of misery, and if we lean into it, it can become our greatest teacher.

When I bump up against opposition, angst, failure, or anything painful in my leadership, I look for the quickest fix. Sometimes I start with a mental brush off: Just keep going, and it will go away. Sometimes I’ll call on its lazy stepsister, avoidance: It’s not that bad! Stop worrying and think about something else. Sometimes I play the blame game: That wasn’t my fault—she dropped the ball. And other times I will sink into shame: I’ve read everything I can. When am I going to learn to be a good leader?

But pain is always trying to tell us something. My stubbed toe was shouting at me to take a minute and assess the damage. Luckily, it was no worse than a torn toenail and a bit of swelling. Usually the difficulties we encounter in leadership deserve a larger pause. Is my attitude out of alignment? Are there areas of growth I have been avoiding and need to address? Do I need to develop courage and face something head on instead of simply wishing it would improve?

Here’s what Chand says: Growth equals change, change equals loss, loss equals pain, and therefore being a leader means I’m going to experience pain. I can deny it or try to hide from it, but if I’m going to commit to leading well, there will be pain. The question isn’t how can I avoid or stop it. The question is: How will I let it be my best teacher? Here are some things I’m learning to do.

Know that pain is part of the journey

I used to think good leaders led so well that their journey was easy. Not so. Good leaders tackle hard things and face uncertainty and fear on a regular basis. They have moments of regret and worry like I do. Just because I’m experiencing pain, it doesn’t mean I’m a lousy leader—it means I have an open door to become a better one.

Embrace it and make it my friend

When I pretend something’s not painful, nobody wins. God, the creator of emotions, allows me to experience painful emotions for a reason. He has big things to say to me when I’m lonely, exhausted, or discouraged. But I need to acknowledge the painful moments and lean in. I’m learning to reframe my questions during the pain. Instead of God, why aren’t you changing these circumstances? I’m learning to say, God, what is it you want to say to me? Sometimes his answer is simply, Daughter, you are enough. I love you. The gap between where I am today as a leader and where God wants me to be can be bridged by the way I embrace the pain he enables me to endure.

Be thankful for what comes next

I don’t have to pretend to like painful experiences in the moment, but I can look back from the other side with gratitude. I’m a better leader after I honestly face criticism and realize it didn’t kill me. I’m a more empathetic, compassionate leader after a failure once I experience the stamina it takes to get up and try again. It’s a powerful thing to admit that I wouldn’t have learned those critical lessons any other way. I can be thankful for what pain helps me become.

So when the pain inevitably comes and you begin to question why you’re leading, remember that pain is a natural part of this process. Pain will make you a better leader. And when you’ve made your way through the pain to the other side, I hope you take time to reach back and help those of us who are still wading through it.

FIVE WAYS TO KEEP YOUR SMALL GROUP LEADERS FROM BURNING OUT

By Chris Surratt

I had the opportunity a few years ago to hear Mark Miller from Chick-fil-A speak at a leadership event in Dallas, Texas. Mark was sharing about how they have built a strong leadership culture at Chick-fil-A. He said one of the keys to sustained leadership development is the capacity of the leader. Humans have finite capacity, but well-built structures have the ability to have infinite capacity.

I wonder how many of our small group systems take that fact into account? When your structure is built solely on the perseverance of the leaders, it will eventually stop growing. There is only so much that a leader, especially a volunteer leader, can produce before something has to give.

Here are five things that you can build into your structure that will allow your leaders to continue to grow without burning out:

  1. Build breaks into the schedule

We cannot expect our leaders to continue to thrive if they are not stepping back from the whirlwind occasionally. In football, it doesn’t matter how dominating the team’s defense is. If they are playing every down of the game without breaks, they will start giving up ground. There are natural breaks every year where leaders should be encouraged to take a breath and not worry about pulling off a normal meeting. They will be refreshed and fired up to get back in the game afterwards.

  1. Provide solid curriculum choices

If you are expecting your leaders to build and teach their own Bible studies every week, there will be eventual burnout. There are now tools available that can take a lot of the prep work out of it. Smallgroup.com is an online library of discussion-driven and video-enhanced studies that you can customize for any small group to have a consistent and transformational discipleship experience. You can quickly build a series of studies for your sermon-based groups, or you can allow group leaders to pick from over 400 video-enhanced studies from teachers including: Beth Moore, Matt Chandler and Tony Evans.

  1. Train leaders to share the work

Leaders are missing opportunities to disciple if they are doing everything for the group. The workload should be shared, not only to help the leader, but also to help group members discover their gifts. Each element of a group meeting should be carried by a different person – including facilitating the discussion.

  1. Allow leaders to step away

While we would love every leader to continue leading their group forever, the reality is that leaders need to occasionally completely step away from it for a season to be healthy. Build in the value of having an apprentice leader so they can be ready to step in and continue the group. This season may be a great opportunity for the leader to move into a coaching role for other leaders.

  1. Model a healthy balance

If the point leader is not taking regular Sabbaths, they are not modeling a healthy ministry life for there leaders. The structure is only as strong as its leader. You have to remember that ministry is a marathon not a sprint. We are all in this for the long game – to see healthy people make disciples who make disciples.

Egalitarian, Complementarian, or Garden Variety Chauvinist?

I grew up in a staunchly egalitarian tradition, a term I never heard until my early 30s because the role of women in the church was never a conversation. It was as settled in our church as using Welch’s grape juice for communion. My grandmother, the first in my family to follow Christ, was saved in a revival led by two Pentecostal women. She later was an ordained pastor in the Assemblies of God. I knew women who preached, women who pastored churches, and women who had major leadership positions in local churches. It never occurred to me that my grandmother, as well as all these other women, were evil Jezebels from the pits of hell. They just seemed like women who loved Jesus and followed their calling to exercise their spiritual gifts in the context of the local church.

The male leaders were a lot more focused on the admonition that an elder be the husband of one wife than the idea that an elder had to be a man. (I get the irony.) Divorce of a pastor in the tradition I grew up in was the unpardonable sin. If you wanted to be a pastor you could be a woman, or you could kill your spouse, but God forbid you’d ever been divorced. Its interesting the narrow interpretations of scripture we fixate on.

The biggest contradiction, however, was the dearth of woman in leadership. There were women who preached, pastored, and led, but they were extremely rare. Even though our theology clearly opened the door for women to lead, almost none walked through. Ours was a  chauvinistic form of egalitarianism. Sure, women could lead, but why would we want them to? It was just so much easier to keep it a good old boys club.

Which brings me to my point, (“Finally!”) women leading in the church is not as much a complementarian vs egalitarian theological challenge as it is a challenge of intentionality. Almost no one argues that God precludes women from leading in any role in the local church, and yet women continue to be in the vast minority in the church leadership circles I am involved in. Male leadership is what we grew up with, its what we are comfortable with, and it is what our church culture is built on. As one pastor told me, “Inviting women to the leadership table would just change how we communicate.” Exactly.

I see three major challenges with this kind of lazy approach to women in leadership. First, we are keeping 50% of the leaders God has gifted on the sidelines. If Paul found women leaders indispensable in his ministry (Romans 16), so should we. The second challenge is the need for women’s voices in the decisions we make as church leaders. Women bring unique perspectives, and we make uniformed decisions without them. (Running something past your spouse is not the same as discussing an issue with leaders around a table.) Finally, we will continue to lose the next generation if we preclude women from leadership. Regardless of their theology, younger leaders cannot relate to a world that hinders women leaders.

I am not advocating anyone change their stance on who can preach, who can be called a pastor or an elder, or who can lead a local congregation. If Jesus intended us to spend the amount of time on we waste on those arguments, I am sure he would have mentioned it. My point is that we are robbing women and the church when we do not focus on intentionally developing female leaders in our churches.

We recently sat down with Kadi Cole to discuss how pastors of all theological bents can better develop women as leaders in their church. You can hear that episode of the Surratt Brothers Podcast here.

Whine or Adapt?

As I write, my beloved Denver Nuggets are being manhandled by the Minnesota Timberwolves in the NBA playoffs. They are down 2-0 in the series, having lost both games at home. In game 2 they completely melted down, losing by 26 points. Early in the first half the Nuggets’ coach, Mike Malone, made a rare leadership mistake that paved the way for the blowout to come. The Wolves were playing a very physical game, and the refs weren’t calling what seemed to be obvious fouls. After one of Denver’s guards was shoved to the ground with no foul called. Malone lost his mind, charging onto the court and screaming at a ref. Denver’s Aaron Gordon stood between the coach and the ref, urging Malone to return to the bench. Surprisingly the ref did not call a technical foul on Malone, it was obvious the refs were “swallowing their whistles” for this game. 

A few minutes later the Nuggets Jamal Murray committed an obvious foul and then started yelling at the refs about all the other fouls they weren’t calling. Later he threw a towel and a heat pad from the bench during live action, which led to a $100,000 fine. He was following his coach’s lead, demanding that the refs change their behavior to better suit the Nuggets’ game. That did not happen, and the Nuggets were blown out in their own arena.

I wonder what would have happened if, instead of blowing a fuse, Malone would have called a timeout and calmly told his team that they needed to adapt to the situation. Tonight’s game would be more streetball than professional basketball, but they all know how to play the “no harm, no foul” style of the playground. He could have then encouraged Deandre Jordan, one of Denver’s rather large but seldom used players, to use his allotted fouls to encourage the T-wolves to avoid the area near the basket at all costs, a style four-time NBA All Star Bill Laimbeer built a career on.

Sometimes the role of a leader is to inspire a team to create change, but often our role is to encourage the team to adapt to the reality of the situation we find ourselves in; a challenging senior leader, extremely limited resources, or tasks way outside our job descriptions. A talented leader knows when to work to buckle down to change the environment and when to adapt to overcome the circumstances.

When Israel was faced down by Goliath, King Saul couldn’t conceive of an alternative to the normal way of doing war, but neither could he find a way to beat a seemingly invincible foe. David, however, adapted to the circumstances. He knew he could not defeat Goliath on Goliath’s terms, so he adapted and he won. He played target practice instead of World of Warcraft. 

[bctt tweet=”As a leader our job is to help our team adapt rather than whine about the giants we face.” username=”geoffsurratt”]

 

How is your leadership foundation?

Lately I’m always the oldest guy in the room when I am meeting with leaders. I’m the one who has two pairs of reading glasses in his pocket, just in case. I’m the one smiling and nodding at cultural references I don’t understand. I’m the one who never passes up the opportunity for a bathroom break. One thing I’ve noticed between fumbling for my glasses and Googling “almond mom” is what might be the lack of a solid foundation of leadership development among some newer leaders. They migh know the right phrases, but they don’t always understand the concepts behind the phrases. (Team work does make the dream work, but what I really  need to know is why no one locked the building last night.) I know what I’m talking about because I was exactly like them when I was a 28 year old youth pastor.

I’ll never forget my first Prevailing Church Conference at Willow Creek Community Church. It was the first time I’d heard things like the 3 C’s of team selection and the importance of leadership as a spiritual gift. My mind was spinning as I walked through the airport on my way to my plane home. In the window of a bookstore I saw a just released book called, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I had never read a secular leadership book, so this seemed as good a place as any to start. I swallowed hard when I saw the $9.95 price tag, that was a lot of money on a youth pastor’s salary, but I decided to splurge. Who knew, maybe I could even learn something from a Mormon.

And, like Alice following the White Rabbit down the rabbit hole, I began my journey of leadership development. Below are a few of the books that have been pivotal on my path of discovery. Most of these books are now old, maybe even outdated, but they form the foundation of my leadership. Many of the ways I lead go back to principles I first learned in these books, and I find that many of the newer books I read and podcasts I listen to are built on these same principles. If you are close to my age you likely have many of these books in your library, and if you are younger you probably should at least check them out. The writers may be of a different generation, but the foundation they build is timeless. So let me introduce you to the faculty in my personal school of leadership.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Covey’s habits are so ingrained in leadership culture many people don’t know he first coined the terms “paradigm shift”, “begin with the end in mind’, and “think win/win.” Long before James Clear wrote Atomic Habits Covey wrote, “private victories precede public victories…making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others.” 

The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard

One of the best principles from The One Minute Manager is catching people doing something right and praising them for it. There is so much more power in praising people for what they are doing well than in correcting them when they mess up. 

Developing the Leader Within You by John Maxwell

This is the Bible of leadership development. If you are a leader and haven’t read this book you are probably doing it wrong. (Don’t panic, almost every leadership book you’ve read is somewhat based on the principles in this 1993 classic.) This is where we learned that “leadership is influence”, “the price tag of leadership is self-discipline”, and “people do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Good to Great by Jim Collins

This is the first of Collins’ trilogy of influential studies on the difference between companies that succeed and companies that fail. (Built to Last and How the Mighty Fall complete the set. Good to Great in the Social Sectors is a good sequel as well.) Two enduring principles are the Hedgehog Concept (What are we the best in the word at?” and the Flywheel Effect (Consistent effort over time produces huge results.) 

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni

I have a love/hate relationship with Lencioni. I am not a fan of the fable format, even though The One Minute Manager also made this list. On the other hand I’ve read every one of Lencioni’s books because the leadership principles are so spot on. Five Dysfunctions of a Team was my gateway drug to Death by Meeting, The Advantage, and The Working Genius. 22 years after publication these are still the five dysfunctions that cripple all bad teams.

The E Myth Revisited by Michael Gerber

Leaders working IN the business rather than working ON the business is still the number one thing I find that keeps organizations from growing. Leaders like to tinker, fiddle, fix, and do deep dives into the weeds rather than lead. 

The Leadership Pipeline by Ram Charan, Stephen Drotter and James Noel

The term leadership pipeline has become so commonplace that most leaders don’t realize it was first coined in 2001 by these authors. I remember being at a Leadership Network event with my brother Greg and Mac Lake when we heard one of the authors outline the idea of a pipeline connected to competencies. It was a game changer for how to think about leadership development.

Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath

It was hard to pick this book over Switch, but Made to Stick came first. I think about Commanders Intent and the Curse of Knowledge almost every week in my own leadership, but I also analyze change through the paradigm of the elephant, the rider, and the path. You should read both just to be safe.

Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton

Discover Your Strengths fits in a stream of personal leadership development books that began for me with Please Understand Me, and includes titles like The Road Back to You, and Working Genius. I find that tools like Strength Finders, DISC, Meyers-Briggs, and Ennegram help me understand myself and others, and helps us work together more effectively.

These are just nine of the books that make up my leadership foundation. I’ve left out The Essential Drucker, The Leadership Challenge, The First 90 Days, and dozens of other books. I’ve also omitted most of the books I’ve read in the past few years, not because they aren’t good, but  because they are building on the foundation of the first 30 years of reading on leadership.

What books did I leave out that have been foundational in your leadership development?

 

The Lazy Person’s Guide to Leadership

Leadership is exhausting. On top of all the stuff you have to get done there’s all the stuff the people you’re leading have to get done, and all the stuff the people being led by the people you’re leading that has to get done. I need a nap just writing that sentence, but we haven’t even gotten to the part where you have to develop all the people developing all the people, and you have to hold all the people accountable for holding all the people accountable for developing all the people. Oh, and next Sunday is Easter.

Its almost too much for one person to handle. Which may be the point.

What if our challenge with leadership isn’t that we’re not working hard enough? What if the challenge is that we’re working too hard? As I have gotten older I’ve realized that the most effective leaders actually do less, not more. Perhaps laziness is the unspoken hero of leadership qualities. If that is the case, here are some tips on how to be a lazy, effective leader.

Don’t be Google

As leaders we love to answer questions. It makes us feel smart and important, and when we answer the questions we know the answers are right. (Because the answers are ours.) There are a few challenges when I become Google for the people I lead. First, if I answer the first question then I’ll need to answer the second, third and fourth questions. Soon there will be a line at my door of people with questions only I can answer. Have you ever tried to take an afternoon nap with a crowd at your door demanding answers? Its almost impossible.

The second challenge with trying to be Google is that I don’t always have the best, or even the right, answers. I’ve found that when I let people figure things out for themselves they often come up with better answers. It is a killer to my ego, because I always want to be right, but my ego often needs a little deflating.

The third challenge with filling in for Google is I am keeping people from growing. Growth comes from trying, failing, getting back up and trying again. I can give insight from my own experience, but for the most part it is healthy for people to learn for themselves rather than just parroting what they hear from me. It also leaves me a lot more time for my siesta.

Don’t be Jiffy Lube

Every time I take my car to Jiffy Lube for an oil change they find 15 other things I urgently need to fix. “Mr. Surratt, your catalytic converter isn’t converting, your tie rods are untied, and your oil pump has pumped its last.” They don’t understand my philosophy of car repair; if you ignore a problem long enough it will eventually go away. Unfortunately this philosophy hasn’t worked out so well as a car owner.

On the other hand, its actually a decent leadership philosophy. Similar to our urge to be Google, as leaders we often want to jump in and fix things. We jump on every urgent email thread with the solution to the problem. What I’ve discovered, however, is that if I’ll hang back and not provide the instant solution, many problem will indeed fix themselves. Sometimes the solution isn’t exactly what I would have suggested, but its usually good enough. And it didn’t interrupt my afternoon game of golf. (I haven’t golfed in years, but you get the point.)

Don’t be Netflix

Netflix constantly has suggestions for what I want to watch next. “Because you watched Ted Lasso you might like Bend It Like Beckham, or Drive to Survive, or Ted.” You know me so well, Netflix. Leaders are tempted to do the same thing, but instead of making suggestions based on the other persons background, all of our suggestions are based on our own experience. “When I was a youth pastor back in the 90’s, before you were born, lock-ins were really big. You should do a lock-in.” Never mind that lock-ins and the Backstreet Boys have had been equally popular with teenagers over the past 20 years. We mistakenly think our nostalgic suggestions are even remotely helpful to this generation of leaders. 

A much better approach than Netflix is the Braintrust process developed by Ed Catmull, co-founder of Pixar. His book, Creativity Inc., is worth the read, but here’s an excerpt describing the Braintrust process.

Don’t be Waffle House

Breakfast at the Waffle House may be the most American experience possible. Truck drivers and bar tenders sharing a meal with a sweet little family of four on their first foray into the world of smothered and covered hash browns. And breakfast is served 24/7/365, the Awful Waffle is always there for you. Even on Christmas Day. Especially on Christmas Day.

Great lazy leaders don’t share Waffle House’s hours. There are hours of the day, days of the week, and weeks of the year when you aren’t open for business. You don’t answer email, respond to texts, or “jump on a quick call.” Waffle House leaders burn out leaders, including themselves. 99% of leadership challenges either resolve themselves or can wait until you get back. You aren’t a short-order cook in a greasy kitchen.

A healthy, effective, sometimes lazy leader is a gift to the church, non-profit, or company they work for. They empower the leaders around them, and present a model of life-giving leadership to everyone in the organization. So take that nap, play that round of golf, and practice the art of lazy leadership.

Should Women Preach or Lead in the Church? Maybe…

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]While being interviewed by key leaders for a teaching pastor position, an elder asked me whether I was a complementarian or egalitarian. I confidently stated that I was a complementarian, and than began down the long list of women pastors on my spiritual journey. The group looked more and more uncomfortable the further I went until the lead pastor finally interrupted, “Are you sure you are complementarian?” I immediately realized my mistake, “Oh, I’m sorry, I meant egalitarian.”

You could fill the air lead the room, it would have been better if I’d said I was a satanist. Elders suddenly remembered they had urgent appointments elsewhere, and staff had an urgent need to get back to their offices. Soon the group dwindled to me, the lead pastor and one clueless staff member who was still hoping for a free lunch. The pastor, who’d invited me to the interview, looked like I’d kicked him a few inches below his gut. He gave me a quick tour of the building and then invited me back to his office. Once inside I tried to ease the tension with a joke, “Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?” He apologized profusely and admitted he should have vetted my theology of women (Is that a thing? Feminology?) before dragging me through the inquisition. We agreed to remain friends, knowing we’d never work together at a church. 

And that’s how I learned the difference between complementarian and egalitarian.

My views have continued to morph, however, in the years since. After a lifetime of study, experience, thinking and prayer I have finally decided I am both complementarian and egalitarian, I’m a  complegalitarian

Complegalitairan: In some contexts and cultures women are gifted, qualified, and called to lead, preach, and exercise authority in the church. In other contexts and cultures those roles are better served by men. 

I have landed in this camp (so far I may be the only one here) because it is the only way I can make sense of scripture, history, and my experience in the real world. I understand the implications of 1 Timothy 2, but I have to balance that with other passages where women were not only not silent, but preached, led and held positions of authority over men. From Miriam to Deborah to Huldah to Priscilla to Phoebe to the daughters of Philip (Acts 21:9), some women in some contexts prophesy (preach), teach, hold office and lead. I can’t accept an argument that says women are forbidden to hold certain offices, have authority over men, or preach when there are clear examples in the Bible of women doing all of the above, seemingly with God’s full blessing.

I also recognize that in some cultures and some contexts the fact that a woman is leading could overshadow the presentation of the Gospel. We have to remember that at the end of the day the Gospel trumps all other concerns. That is why Jesus did not stand up to they horrible abuses of the Roman government and Paul did not advocate for the end of slavery. They were both focused on the main thing, the hope of the Gospel.

Paul said he became all things to all people so that by all means he might save some.  His primary concern was “Christ in you, the hope of glory”.  I suspect in ancient Greek, Roman and Jewish culture the most effective messenger for the Gospel was often a man because of the patriarchal bent of society. I do not think that is always the case in every context and culture. Neither, it seems, did Paul.

I have been watching from the sidelines as Southern Baptists tear each other apart over this issue. There was a huge uproar when Beth Moore preached at a church on a Sunday morning, and subsequently left the Southern Baptist denomination over the fallout. The roar got even louder when Pastor Rick Warren announced Saddleback Church ordained three women as pastors.  Seminary president and Southern Baptist Convention President candidate Albert Mohler has led the charge against women preaching or leading in SBC churches (except in narrowly defined roles), recently saying,

“If you look at the denominations where women do the preaching, they are also the denominations where people do the leaving.”

The irony of this statement is overwhelming when you realize that over the past 15 years SBC has lost 2.3 million members, 14% of its total membership, while adhering to a strict complementarian standard. At the same time what is being called “Spirit-empowered Christianity” (aka Pentecostal and Charismatic), which is almost entirely egalitarian in practice, has exploded in growth all over the world.

The current SBC President, J.D. Greear, along with all of the other candidates to succeed him, agree with Albert Mohler that women preaching and leading above certain levels in the church is a line in the sand they will not cross. While the SBC has to determine the future of the SBC, it seems from the outside that this issue is overshadowing the mission to bring the hope of Jesus to a lost and dying world. The message I fear is being unintentionally amplified is that men simply want to maintain authority over women.

That is why I am now a complegalitarian. I believe God created men and women with different gifts and abilities. I think some women are gifted by their creator to lead in some circumstances, and some men are gifted by their creator to lead in other circumstances. I think in some contexts the practice of women leading men can so overshadow the message of the Gospel that it can be destructive to mission of the church, and I believe in other contexts the practice of barring women from certain levels of leadership and preaching can also be destructive the mission of the church. I think this is why Paul gives Timothy instructions that limit women’s roles in the church and in Romans commends women for filling those very roles. I think Paul may have been the first complegalitarian.

‘So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.’ 1 Corinthians 10:31-33 (NIV)

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