Category: Personal growth

How is your leadership foundation?

Lately I’m always the oldest guy in the room when I am meeting with leaders. I’m the one who has two pairs of reading glasses in his pocket, just in case. I’m the one smiling and nodding at cultural references I don’t understand. I’m the one who never passes up the opportunity for a bathroom break. One thing I’ve noticed between fumbling for my glasses and Googling “almond mom” is what might be the lack of a solid foundation of leadership development among some newer leaders. They migh know the right phrases, but they don’t always understand the concepts behind the phrases. (Team work does make the dream work, but what I really  need to know is why no one locked the building last night.) I know what I’m talking about because I was exactly like them when I was a 28 year old youth pastor.

I’ll never forget my first Prevailing Church Conference at Willow Creek Community Church. It was the first time I’d heard things like the 3 C’s of team selection and the importance of leadership as a spiritual gift. My mind was spinning as I walked through the airport on my way to my plane home. In the window of a bookstore I saw a just released book called, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I had never read a secular leadership book, so this seemed as good a place as any to start. I swallowed hard when I saw the $9.95 price tag, that was a lot of money on a youth pastor’s salary, but I decided to splurge. Who knew, maybe I could even learn something from a Mormon.

And, like Alice following the White Rabbit down the rabbit hole, I began my journey of leadership development. Below are a few of the books that have been pivotal on my path of discovery. Most of these books are now old, maybe even outdated, but they form the foundation of my leadership. Many of the ways I lead go back to principles I first learned in these books, and I find that many of the newer books I read and podcasts I listen to are built on these same principles. If you are close to my age you likely have many of these books in your library, and if you are younger you probably should at least check them out. The writers may be of a different generation, but the foundation they build is timeless. So let me introduce you to the faculty in my personal school of leadership.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Covey’s habits are so ingrained in leadership culture many people don’t know he first coined the terms “paradigm shift”, “begin with the end in mind’, and “think win/win.” Long before James Clear wrote Atomic Habits Covey wrote, “private victories precede public victories…making and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others.” 

The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard

One of the best principles from The One Minute Manager is catching people doing something right and praising them for it. There is so much more power in praising people for what they are doing well than in correcting them when they mess up. 

Developing the Leader Within You by John Maxwell

This is the Bible of leadership development. If you are a leader and haven’t read this book you are probably doing it wrong. (Don’t panic, almost every leadership book you’ve read is somewhat based on the principles in this 1993 classic.) This is where we learned that “leadership is influence”, “the price tag of leadership is self-discipline”, and “people do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Good to Great by Jim Collins

This is the first of Collins’ trilogy of influential studies on the difference between companies that succeed and companies that fail. (Built to Last and How the Mighty Fall complete the set. Good to Great in the Social Sectors is a good sequel as well.) Two enduring principles are the Hedgehog Concept (What are we the best in the word at?” and the Flywheel Effect (Consistent effort over time produces huge results.) 

The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni

I have a love/hate relationship with Lencioni. I am not a fan of the fable format, even though The One Minute Manager also made this list. On the other hand I’ve read every one of Lencioni’s books because the leadership principles are so spot on. Five Dysfunctions of a Team was my gateway drug to Death by Meeting, The Advantage, and The Working Genius. 22 years after publication these are still the five dysfunctions that cripple all bad teams.

The E Myth Revisited by Michael Gerber

Leaders working IN the business rather than working ON the business is still the number one thing I find that keeps organizations from growing. Leaders like to tinker, fiddle, fix, and do deep dives into the weeds rather than lead. 

The Leadership Pipeline by Ram Charan, Stephen Drotter and James Noel

The term leadership pipeline has become so commonplace that most leaders don’t realize it was first coined in 2001 by these authors. I remember being at a Leadership Network event with my brother Greg and Mac Lake when we heard one of the authors outline the idea of a pipeline connected to competencies. It was a game changer for how to think about leadership development.

Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath

It was hard to pick this book over Switch, but Made to Stick came first. I think about Commanders Intent and the Curse of Knowledge almost every week in my own leadership, but I also analyze change through the paradigm of the elephant, the rider, and the path. You should read both just to be safe.

Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton

Discover Your Strengths fits in a stream of personal leadership development books that began for me with Please Understand Me, and includes titles like The Road Back to You, and Working Genius. I find that tools like Strength Finders, DISC, Meyers-Briggs, and Ennegram help me understand myself and others, and helps us work together more effectively.

These are just nine of the books that make up my leadership foundation. I’ve left out The Essential Drucker, The Leadership Challenge, The First 90 Days, and dozens of other books. I’ve also omitted most of the books I’ve read in the past few years, not because they aren’t good, but  because they are building on the foundation of the first 30 years of reading on leadership.

What books did I leave out that have been foundational in your leadership development?

 

58 Things I’ve Learned in 58 Years

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]Yesterday marked my 58th solar lap so I thought I’d update my sort of annual list of things I’ve learned so far. This time, however, I started from scratch so a lot of the list is new. Some is repeated because, honestly, I can’t remember what I wrote before. Without further ado (whatever that is) here are 58 things I’ve learned in 58 years:

  1. Faith is less about what God does and more about who God is.
  2. Buying new cars on payments is a sure way to get stuck in debt.
  3. There is no way to understand the world without seeing the world.
  4. Kansas doesn’t get better with time.
  5. Life without a local church seems impossible.
  6. Sometimes faith is not not believing in God.
  7. For the most part people are doing the best they can under the circumstances.
  8. Glancing back is helpful, staring into the abyss is not.
  9. Quitting golf is not that hard and carries few regrets.
  10. Matching socks are in the eye of the beholder.
  11. Experiences last longer than things.
  12. Trying to run alongside a car going 70 mph is a really poor decision.
  13. The best things in life may be free, but its hard to beat a really good Italian meal.
  14. A tickle fight with a grandchild erases most of life’s worries.
  15. Soul mates are cultivated not discovered.
  16. The Road to Hana may not be the most dangerous road in the world, but it will keep your attention.
  17. Not being able to dance is a poor excuse not to dance.
  18. The best music was, is and will always be 70s light rock.
  19. Age wears the sharp edges off theology.
  20. Evil is more prevalent in complacency than action.
  21. There is more than one Hyatt Place hotel near the convention center in Gwinnett, Georgia.
  22. It doesn’t matter that something is extremely rare when it happens to a family member.
  23. Hawaiian Shave Ice and snow cones are not the same thing.
  24. A well-timed text from a close friend is an incredible gift.
  25. Incessant barking from the dog next door can lead to justifiable homicide. (I hope)
  26. The best gelato in the world is from Gelateria Dondoli in San Gimignano, Italy.
  27. A hand-drawn birthday card from a grandchild is the best gift possible.
  28. Love letters are much more persuasive than lectures.
  29. More discipleship happens in a hospital waiting room than a classroom.
  30. Believing God loves you even though he doesn’t do what you desperately want him to do is faith.
  31. Diet Coke, though deadly, is delightful in the morning.
  32. Dancing to James Taylor’s “How Sweet It Is” with your daughter at her wedding is worth whatever it takes to get to that moment.
  33. Almost no one is out to get you; they just don’t have the time.
  34. As you get older, things become less important than time.
  35. God uses some pretty whacky people.
  36. See everything you can as soon as you can; you never know when Notre Dame might burn down.
  37. Parenting doesn’t have a finish line. It doesn’t even have a halftime.
  38. The most beautiful chapel in the world is Sainte-Chapelle.
  39. Seven year olds tell great stories; not necessarily rooted in facts, but full of imaginative details.
  40. 85 year olds tell similar stories to seven your olds.
  41. The opening montage of “Up” is the saddest scene in any movie.
  42. You never get over missing your mom.
  43. Holding onto bitterness is the most toxic and wasteful thing you can do.
  44. A 1982 Cadillac Sedan DeVille will not float
  45. Climbing mountains is best left to people who don’t require oxygen to breathe.
  46. Kids turn out ok even if you feed them Dr Pepper and fried cherry pies for breakfast.
  47. Following your heart is a great for a graduation speech but lousy career advice.
  48. Heaven may be full of people I don’t particularly like.
  49. Getting lost in Tuscany is a great way to find amazing pizza.
  50. No matter where you move your childhood team will always be your team.
  51. Buying cars sight unseen off eBay is not a great idea.
  52. My parents didn’t know what they were doing, just like me.
  53. God is most present in the scariest moments.
  54. The hokey pokey isn’t really what its all about.
  55. Having more years behind than ahead brings priorities into focus.
  56. Moose are better observed from a distance.
  57. You can’t do everything you set your mind to. (i.e. NBA)
  58. As much as I’d like a do-over on many things, moving forward is more productive than looking back.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][social_buttons full_width_icons=”true” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” linkedin=”true”][/vc_column][/vc_row]

A Day For Irrational Hope

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]The Saturday before Easter is traditionally a day of waiting, of mourning, of reflection; Holy Saturday. We picture the disciples huddled, hiding in Jerusalem, afraid and disillusioned. They had put their hope in the Galilean carpenter turned Rabbi; they had literally staked their lives on it, and now he’s dead and they are devastated. Holy Saturday is a day to mourn and reflect.

But I wonder if there was a follower of Jesus who believed him when he said he would rise from the dead. We know from the Gospels the 12 disciples did not understand, but what if someone did? Someone like Mary Magdalene whose life had been transformed by her encounter with Jesus, or John Mark who had the faith of a young boy, or Jesus’ mother who believed in her son like only a mother can. I can imagine them trying to rally the tiny remnant of Jesus’ followers, “He will be back, he said he would be back.” No one would listen, no one would believe, but they couldn’t, they wouldn’t let go of hope.

On Saturday their hope made no sense. Jesus was dead, his body buried, the tomb sealed. The disciples were right, it was over; hope had died on the cross with Jesus. Anything else was just wishful thinking.

But, hoping against hope, they still believed. They didn’t see how, they didn’t understand why, but they believed that Jesus would come back. Their Saturday was very different than everyone else in the room. They too were sad, afraid and confused; but deep inside they were hopeful, waiting for a comeback.

A lot of us are waiting for a comeback. All the signs point in the wrong direction, but somehow, some way we hope for a miracle, a restoration, a resurrection. We are scared, discouraged and desperate; but Jesus said he’d be back. We don’t know how, or when or where, but today we wait in hope.

What if, for just a day, we called today Hopeful Saturday? What if, for just a day, we focused on the “already but not yet” aspect of the Gospel? Jesus is dead. The tomb is sealed. Hope is gone. We are already at the end, but the beginning is just a few hours away. Regardless what we see, today we choose hope.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][social_buttons full_width_icons=”true” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” linkedin=”true”][/vc_column][/vc_row]

The Power of Partial Credit

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]In America the quest is for the gold, the ring, the trophy. We want to stand on the podium and show the world what we’ve accomplished, to humbly receive the accolades, to thank everyone who helped us get here while knowing it we were really the ones who made it happen.

There is no denying the adrenaline rush of being the first to the finish line, the greatest among equals. It feels good to hear others recognize your effort and dedication. Winning almost never comes easy or without sacrifice, and the praise that goes with success is food for the soul.

As I’ve gotten older and gained experience, however, there is a place I’ve come to desire more than the awards stand, and that’s the platform another leader stands on. It is fulfilling to see a watch a younger leader succeed knowing I’ve had a small part in that success. I may have given her advice, contributed to her cause, or introduced her to someone who could help. There’s nothing like seeing a leader stand on the podium, knowing in some small way I helped her get there. I call it the power of partial credit. 

You see this power at work in the armor bearer who buys into Jonathan’s crazy battle plan “heart and soul.” You see Jonathan pay it forward as he supports David’s leadership, knowing that David will usurp his own claim to the throne some day. Ananias gets partial credit for Paul’s success, and Paul gets points for Timothy’s. The power of partial credit is at the heart of all servant leadership. The goal isn’t that I succeed, the goal is that I sow into other leaders, younger leaders, cheering them on as they cross the finish line and take the gold.

Occasionally I get texts from church planters I’ve invested in who are seeing growth and health in their new congregation. Leaders will share with me how something I’ve said or something I’ve written has helped them make a crucial decision. Today a friend’s first book is being released that I had the privilege of encouraging him to write. None of these accomplishments are about me, and my contribution to each is very small. In the most cases my part is unseen except by a very small circle. But the reward is incredible.

We all want to win, to finish first, to take the prize. Very few things of value in life are accomplished by leaders hoping for a participation trophy. The secret I’ve discovered, however, is that contributing to the success of others is the true prize. To quote Bob Buford, “My fruit grows on other people’s trees.” It is the power of partial credit.

Who could you invest in today? Who could you encourage, guide or teach, asking nothing in return? Where can you win through partial credit?[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][social_buttons full_width_icons=”true” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” linkedin=”true”][/vc_column][/vc_row]

The Roundabout Way

For a long time I had a model for the ideal journey of leader as a straight path from point A to point B. When I am in God’s will I am making steady progress down this clearly marked road, but when I find myself wandering it is a sign I’ve stepped outside his plan. The goal is always to move as quickly and efficiently along the path God has clearly mapped out for me. The question is always, “What is my next step forward on the path?”

The challenge to this model is that my life has almost never followed a clearly marked, well-defined path from point A to point B. When people ask how I got to where I am now in ministry my immediate response is, “I have no idea.” Looking back my journey looks more like a pinball machine than an archery range. There are long stretches of time when I’m seeking God and trying to be faithful to his plan for my life, but truth be told, I have no idea what that plan might be. Is this because of sin in my life? Am I not listening to God’s direction? If I am truly seeking God’s path, why does it feel like I’m wandering in the wilderness?

During my devotions this morning I came across this description of Israel’s journey in the wilderness:

‘When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, “If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea. Thus the Israelites left Egypt like an army ready for battle.’

Exodus 13:17-18 (NLT)

This runs counter to my model of a straight and clearly marked path. Although Israel’s sin lengthens the time they spend in the wilderness, the writer is clear that God did NOT lead them along the straight path, he led them in a roundabout way. I really like that phrase, a roundabout way. That describes exactly how I feel about my journey from point A to point B via points E, Q and 7. Maybe wandering does not always indicate sin or disobedience. Maybe, for my own growth and good, God chooses to lead me in a roundabout way.

It seems that the roundabout way is often God’s go to path to leadership. Moses took the roundabout way to leading Israel, David took the roundabout way to becoming king, Paul took the roundabout way to Rome. In each case God was doing essential work in the leaders’ life as he wandered toward his next assignment. Moses learned collaboration, David learned restraint and Paul learned patience, all on the Roundabout Way.

I wonder if you feel a little lost today. Maybe you feel like you’re moving backwards instead of forwards. Maybe you struggle to see the purpose in what you are doing now. Maybe you wonder if somewhere along the way you missed your opportunity and now you on the shelf. If so the good news is that you are not alone. There are many of us out here on the Roundabout Way. The even better news is that you are likely right where God wants you right now. Rather than wondering what went wrong, or struggling to get back on the main road, let’s focus on learning the lessons and finding the healing God has for us here on the Roundabout Way. Then we can become, in the words of the writer of Exodus, “an army ready for battle”.

Four Opportunity Killing Mistakes Young (and old) Leaders Make

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]I love investing in younger leaders, and as I get older almost every leader I meet with is a younger leader. Younger leaders are the ones who change the culture, change the trajectory and change the world. They are less afraid to fail and more likely to try things that seem impossible. Younger leaders don’t know that “we already tried that and it didn’t work”. Younger leaders have passion and energy, what they need is opportunity and experience.

[bctt tweet=”Younger leaders have passion and energy, what they need is opportunity and experience.” username=”geoffsurratt”]

It is that lack of experience, however, that often trips up young leaders. I see them making the same mistakes, easily correctible mistakes, over and over again. My fear is that these mistakes may cause young leaders to lose confidence in their own ability, or become jaded about the organizations where they have leadership roles. My goal is not to poke fun at a young leaders’ naiveté, but to shine a light on the obstacles and lend a helping hand. Its not that I am a better or wiser leader, its just that I’ve been down the path before and I know where the bumps are.

So here are four mistakes I often see younger leaders make:

Mistaking passion for opportunity

A few years ago a young man asked for my opinion, “Do you think churches are looking for full time youth counselors?” He had just graduated from seminary with a counseling degree and he was looking for a job. I was honest but overly blunt with my response, “No.”

“You mean churches don’t care about the mental health of teenagers?”, he asked.

“You didn’t ask me if they care, you asked me if they would pay someone a full-time salary to counsel young people. Based on what I know about the priorities, budgets and needs of most churches I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

I don’t think he ever found the job he was looking for. He made the mistake that many young leaders make, that passion equals employability. The reality is that early on in our careers almost all of us worked in jobs we weren’t particularly passionate about, and to this day I’ve never had a job that was made up entirely of things I love doing.

Its important to understand what you’re passionate about, but the question is; will anyone pay you for your passion? You may have to work in an area that you aren’t that fired up about as you build your skills, your network and your bank account. Your opportunity may come, but it will likely be later. Don’t give up on your dreams, but work with all your heart at what you have in front of you today.

[bctt tweet=”Don’t give up on your dreams, but work with all your heart at what you have in front of you today.” username=”geoffsurratt”]

Mistaking accountability for mistrust

Some young leaders bristle at the adage, “Don’t expect what you don’t inspect,” They label oversight as micromanagement, and feel accountability is a sign of mistrust. “Just tell me what you want accomplished and then leave me alone” is the sentiment.

We have all worked for a manager who leads out of a need for control, but that isn’t the case every time a leader asks for a progress report. Growth in leadership skills comes through input and correction, so accountability is the vehicle for that growth. Even an overly controlling manager presents an opportunity to learn. Rather than avoid measurement and reporting, young leaders can embrace accountability as a stepping stone to increased responsibility.

Mistaking ideas for execution

While debriefing a leadership conference we attended a resident from the local seminary said he was appalled by Andy Stanley’s statement, “Recruit doers, not thinkers. It’s much easier to educate a doer than it is to motivate a thinker…rent a thinker, higher a doer.” He was highly offended that Andy didn’t value thinkers like him. Unfortunately I don’t know how things turned out for the thinker because we had to let him go a few months later. It turns out he didn’t do anything.

An executive pastor said it like this, “Good ideas are everywhere; everyone has a good idea. I’m not impressed by good ideas, I’m impressed by great execution.” The world is seldom changed by leaders with great ideas, it is transformed by leaders with good ideas who can execute a strategy.

[bctt tweet=”The world is seldom changed by leaders with great ideas, it is transformed by leaders with good ideas who can execute a strategy.” username=”geoffsurratt”]

Mistaking warm fuzzies for results

I have lost track of how many times I’ve had this conversation:

“How was the event?”

“It was great!”

“Awesome. What made it great?”

“People loved it!”

“People loved it” is never an accurate measure of the effectiveness of a sermon, an event or a communication. For one thing it can’t be measured. Just because people say they love something doesn’t mean they love it. It may mean they can’t think of a polite way to say, “This sucked”, so they go with “Great job”.

The correct answer to, “How was it?” Is

  • My goal going in was that x number people would take y action
  • We met or exceeded that goal
  • Therefore it was great

For example:

  • My goal going into the men’s breakfast was that 25% of the men who came would join a men’s group
  • In the end 30% of the men who came joined a group.
  • Therefore it was a great event.

We all need warm fuzzies and attaboys, we just can’t confuse them with actual results.

I have focused on young leaders in this post, but I have seen leaders of all ages, including myself, make these mistakes. The goal is to recognize our mistakes and learn from them. Then we can go out and make new mistakes. Hopefully we grow in the process.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][social_buttons full_width_icons=”true” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” linkedin=”true”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”full_width_background” full_screen_row_position=”middle” bg_color=”#efefef” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” top_padding=”20″ bottom_padding=”20″ overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” shape_type=””][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][image_with_animation image_url=”5935″ alignment=”” animation=”Fade In” border_radius=”none” box_shadow=”none” max_width=”100%”][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”padding-5-percent” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”2/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]Navigating this new chapter in church history will require balancing the tension between what is necessary from the past and what is needed for future. I’ve spent the last several years thinking about and researching this challenge, and share my insights in my new eBook, The Church Will Thrive. You can get your free copy here.[/vc_column_text][divider line_type=”No Line”][vc_row_inner column_margin=”default” text_align=”left”][vc_column_inner column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” centered_text=”true” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_raw_html]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[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row]

How to know when its time to call it quits

Summer has come and it feels like everyone is on the move. Almost every day I hear of another church staff member leaving their current role and transitioning to a new assignment. At the same time a week seldom goes by that a pastor doesn’t ask if I know of any available children’s, student, worship or connection pastors. (If they could find someone to lead all four that would be awesome.) So how about you, is it time for you to leave your church and start again in a new community?

The answer is probably no, or at least not yet. Many times we move from one role to another for less than healthy reasons. We might be frustrated with leadership, tired of conflict or feeling stuck in our current role. Each of these points to unresolved issues within ourselves that need to be dealt with before we pull up stakes and move on. I have made the mistake of leaving a role because of internal issues I didn’t see or didn’t want to work on. Unfortunately when I got to my next job it turned out that I brought all of my baggage with me.

Don’t leave your current role because you’re struggling with the people you work with or because you don’t feel fulfilled in your role. A wise man once said, “How long are you going to work on what’s not the issue before you work on what is the issue?”

There are times, however, to polish up the resume and move along. Below are five situations I’ve experienced, or walked through with others, that point to a date with a realtor:

Reasons you should quit

You feel a clear call from God to a new season

Everyone feels called to do something else when things are tough, that isn’t necessarily a sign that its time to move on. A clear call, however, is a feeling that just won’t go away. You go to sleep at night thinking about your next assignment and you wake up in the morning stuck on the same thought. Your spouse is onboard, your trusted friends and mentors are on board, and you have an internal peace that now is the time. 

Leaving Seacoast Church was an incredibly tough decision. I loved, and love, the church. I had great relationships with the leaders. Almost everything I knew about ministry I learned while working at Seacoast. But Sherry and I knew that it was time for a new chapter, and everyone we talked to agreed that we were hearing from God. That may be where you are today.

You do not resonate with the church culture

Sometimes you might not fit in a particular church culture. Often it is hard to tell from the outside what the culture is like, and once you are on staff you feel trapped. In those cases its important to ask a couple of questions:

  1. What does God want to change in me through this culture?God may have you right where you need to be to shape your character into who he created you to be. Just because the culture is difficult doesn’t mean God isn’t using it to transform you.
  2. Am I in a position to change church culture?God may have you where you are to help bring health to a culture that is unhealthy. I remember having this discussion with a friend who was in a very challenging culture and considering a move. As we talked he realized that he had been brought to the church for such a time as this. He ended up staying and he has had an incredible impact on the culture of the church.
You disagree with the overall direction of the church

This is one the most significant reason to consider leaving a church. You may be in an environment where leaders are making very poor, even sinful decisions, and the church may headed in a direction that you cannot support. The first step, of course, is to talk with leaders to try to understand or resolve the issues you are struggling. If, however, you cannot get peace about what is being done and the direction being taken it is time to leave.

Do not stay at a church you don’t believe in, following leaders you don’t support, just to collect a paycheck. You and your family will be much better off if you get a job at Walmart. God is not calling you to be inauthentic in ministry, and he is not calling you to sow discord. There are times when the best thing you can do is to simply get out.

Your role is taking a significant toll on your family

There came a time in the life of my family that I had to step away from vocational ministry. Unhealthy patterns in my leadership and relationships, combined with resentment building in my wife’s heart toward ministry and toward me, almost destroyed our marriage. After months of discord I realized it was time to step away.

The mistake I made, however, was thinking stepping out of ministry would solve our challenges. We did not continue the hard work we needed to do to reach a place of health, and ended up in a worse place than before. Only through the grace of God and some excellent counselors did we finally learn how to have a healthy marriage and a healthy ministry.

(You can read more about our journey in ministry and marriage in our new book, Together: A guide for couples in ministry)

If your family is suffering because of your role at a church you need to seriously evaluate whether it is time to step away. If you do leave, however, don’t repeat my mistake. Get the help you need to rebuild your marriage and family.

Two final pieces of advice as you are considering making a move. The first comes from a mentor who told me, “Opportunity is often temptation in disguise.” Just because you have another opportunity doesn’t mean its time to leave.

The second piece of advice comes from years and years of ministry and life; it is almost always too soon to quit. Unless one of the reasons above really resonates for you hang in there. God is still at work.

How an honor culture can crushes your soul

Last fall we while staying with some friends in England we discovered an important principle about wiring. After taking a shower one morning Sherry plugged her hairdryer into the outlet. The hairdryer sounded like a 747 taking off as the motor hit about 50,000 rpm. I think she could have dried her hair in 37 seconds if smoke hadn’t started pouring out of every crack in the hairdryer. She quickly unplugged the appliance and we prayed the smoke detectors wouldn’t go off. Later at breakfast we hoped our hosts wouldn’t notice the pungent odor of burning rubber. We learned that just because you can plug something in to 220 volts doesn’t mean its wired for it.

My fear is I see this same principle at work in some church cultures where honor is one directional and focused on leaders in a hierarchical  structure like the model below:

The expectation in this type of environment is that everyone show honor to the leaders above them. It is often stated that honor flows both ways, but most of the honor seems to be directed at leaders higher on the org chart, especially the leader at the top, in the form of deference, agreement and perks. The problem is that as leaders we are not wired for that type of focused attention and devotion. Like my wife’s hairdryer, its great for a little while but eventually something will burn up.

When we are surrounded by people who cater to our every need, remove all obstacles from our path and hang on our every word, it begins to do weird things to our mind. We begin to believe that we are, in fact, worthy of the kind of honor being showered on us. We begin to shield ourselves from the unpleasant fact that, while we have different gifts, we are all the same. The perks that go along with rising in an organization can cause us to lose touch with that reality, and losing touch with that reality will destroy our souls in the end.

That is why Paul gives very clear instructions about honor in Romans 12:

‘Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ‘ Romans 12:10

Paul’s model of honor looks more like this:

In Paul’s model everyone honors everyone else so no one person is overloaded with attention, devotion or perks. He draws a clear distinction between authority (“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities…” Romans 13:1) and honor. Authority says recognizes the value of leadership and order while honor keeps everything in balance. It is like authority is the gas that gives the engine power while honor is the oil that keeps the engine running.

Honor that flows equally in every direction is essential to a healthy culture. Honor that only flows in one direction destroys the soul and creates a sick culture.

What does honor look like in your world?

Bill Hybels and the challenge of finishing well

The first time I heard Bill Hybels speak was at Willow’s 1994 Prevailing Church Conference. I sat on the right side of the old auditorium, by the windows that overlooked the pond. Bill’s topic that morning was People Matter to God. It was the first time I heard words like seeker, excellence and relevance in reference to a church. I remained in my chair long after everyone else hurried off to workshops, tears streaming down my face. I had been in church all of my life, I had been a youth pastor for 12 years, but it felt like the first time I really understood what church was all about. I connected so deeply with what I’d just heard in that auditorium in the suburbs of Chicago I knew my life and ministry would never be the same. I was right.

In the 24 years since I have lost count of the number of Willow Creek Conferences and Global Leadership Summits I’ve attended. I remember hearing a little known speaker named John Ortberg teach at his first Willow Creek Conference. I was at the GLS in Chicago the year Bill Clinton unexpectedly showed up to discuss the Monica Lewinsky affair. Much of what I think about ministry and church were shaped either by a message Bill gave, a book Bill wrote, or a conference Bill led. No one has had more influence on my ministry than Bill Hybels.

As I watched Bill give his final address to Willow a couple of nights ago I again fought back tears. He is leaving under a cloud of accusations and suspicion, his legacy tarnished beyond repair. The man who taught me, and many of my peers, about leadership, character and integrity has lost his platform and his voice.

I know that we follow God not men, that I can never let my guard down, that I have to run to the finish line. I know to create boundaries and accountability and rules to make sure I never disqualify myself from ministry and embarrass my friends and family. I know these things because I learned them from Bill; now he’s out of the game.

I don’t know if Bill did any of the things of which he is accused. What I know is that a man I’ve admired for many a years, a man who has had an outsize impact for good around the world, a man who has avoided the hint of scandal until now, is disgraced and silenced. It does no good for me to focus on what Bill did or not do; the only thing I can do is focus on what I can learn.

Since the news of the accusations first broke I have done a deep and difficult inventory of 35+ years of ministry looking for places I’ve missed the mark. Have I put someone of the opposite sex in an uncomfortable situation? Have I done or said things that were suggestive or out of bounds? Are there boundaries that I’ve knowingly or unknowingly crossed? 

I’ve also had some challenging conversations with Sherry asking her to help me think back and point out blindspots in my conduct, words and posture that might be misconstrued. The thing about blindspots is that you can’t see them no matter how hard you try. I don’t remember missing the mark in this area, but if I have I want to know.

Going forward I will not marginalize women because of my own paranoia, neither will I trust that I always understand the potential impact of words or actions. There may come a day when there are accusations against me that I am unable to prove false, but I want to finish my ministry knowing that before God and my wife I have done everything in my power to walk in integrity without causing others to stumble. I want more than ever to finish well.

How to work for a church AND love God

Every time I interview someone for a job at a church I always tell them that working for a church can be challenging to their faith. There is a price to be paid for working where you attend church, and it is eye opening to discover that your new co-workers have a lot in common with your old co-workers. Based on over 35 years of working for churches here are my top four tips on how to work for a church AND love God.