Food for thought - MinistryTogether

58 Things I’ve Learned in 58 Years

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]Yesterday marked my 58th solar lap so I thought I’d update my sort of annual list of things I’ve learned so far. This time, however, I started from scratch so a lot of the list is new. Some is repeated because, honestly, I can’t remember what I wrote before. Without further ado (whatever that is) here are 58 things I’ve learned in 58 years:

Faith is less about what God does and more about who God is.
Buying new cars on payments is a sure way to get stuck in debt.
There is no way to understand the world without seeing the world.
Kansas doesn’t get better with time.
Life without a local church seems impossible.
Sometimes faith is not not believing in God.
For the most part people are doing the best they can under the circumstances.
Glancing back is helpful, staring into the abyss is not.
Quitting golf is not that hard and carries few regrets.
Matching socks are in the eye of the beholder.
Experiences last longer than things.
Trying to run alongside a car going 70 mph is a really poor decision.
The best things in life may be free, but its hard to beat a really good Italian meal.
A tickle fight with a grandchild erases most of life’s worries.
Soul mates are cultivated not discovered.
The Road to Hana may not be the most dangerous road in the world, but it will keep your attention.
Not being able to dance is a poor excuse not to dance.
The best music was, is and will always be 70s light rock.
Age wears the sharp edges off theology.
Evil is more prevalent in complacency than action.
There is more than one Hyatt Place hotel near the convention center in Gwinnett, Georgia.
It doesn’t matter that something is extremely rare when it happens to a family member.
Hawaiian Shave Ice and snow cones are not the same thing.
A well-timed text from a close friend is an incredible gift.
Incessant barking from the dog next door can lead to justifiable homicide. (I hope)
The best gelato in the world is from Gelateria Dondoli in San Gimignano, Italy.
A hand-drawn birthday card from a grandchild is the best gift possible.
Love letters are much more persuasive than lectures.
More discipleship happens in a hospital waiting room than a classroom.
Believing God loves you even though he doesn’t do what you desperately want him to do is faith.
Diet Coke, though deadly, is delightful in the morning.
Dancing to James Taylor’s “How Sweet It Is” with your daughter at her wedding is worth whatever it takes to get to that moment.
Almost no one is out to get you; they just don’t have the time.
As you get older, things become less important than time.
God uses some pretty whacky people.
See everything you can as soon as you can; you never know when Notre Dame might burn down.
Parenting doesn’t have a finish line. It doesn’t even have a halftime.
The most beautiful chapel in the world is Sainte-Chapelle.
Seven year olds tell great stories; not necessarily rooted in facts, but full of imaginative details.
85 year olds tell similar stories to seven your olds.
The opening montage of “Up” is the saddest scene in any movie.
You never get over missing your mom.
Holding onto bitterness is the most toxic and wasteful thing you can do.
A 1982 Cadillac Sedan DeVille will not float
Climbing mountains is best left to people who don’t require oxygen to breathe.
Kids turn out ok even if you feed them Dr Pepper and fried cherry pies for breakfast.
Following your heart is a great for a graduation speech but lousy career advice.
Heaven may be full of people I don’t particularly like.
Getting lost in Tuscany is a great way to find amazing pizza.
No matter where you move your childhood team will always be your team.
Buying cars sight unseen off eBay is not a great idea.
My parents didn’t know what they were doing, just like me.
God is most present in the scariest moments.
The hokey pokey isn’t really what its all about.
Having more years behind than ahead brings priorities into focus.
Moose are better observed from a distance.
You can’t do everything you set your mind to. (i.e. NBA)
As much as I’d like a do-over on many things, moving forward is more productive than looking back.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][social_buttons full_width_icons=”true” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” linkedin=”true”][/vc_column][/vc_row]

A Day For Irrational Hope

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]The Saturday before Easter is traditionally a day of waiting, of mourning, of reflection; Holy Saturday. We picture the disciples huddled, hiding in Jerusalem, afraid and disillusioned. They had put their hope in the Galilean carpenter turned Rabbi; they had literally staked their lives on it, and now he’s dead and they are devastated. Holy Saturday is a day to mourn and reflect.

But I wonder if there was a follower of Jesus who believed him when he said he would rise from the dead. We know from the Gospels the 12 disciples did not understand, but what if someone did? Someone like Mary Magdalene whose life had been transformed by her encounter with Jesus, or John Mark who had the faith of a young boy, or Jesus’ mother who believed in her son like only a mother can. I can imagine them trying to rally the tiny remnant of Jesus’ followers, “He will be back, he said he would be back.” No one would listen, no one would believe, but they couldn’t, they wouldn’t let go of hope.

On Saturday their hope made no sense. Jesus was dead, his body buried, the tomb sealed. The disciples were right, it was over; hope had died on the cross with Jesus. Anything else was just wishful thinking.

But, hoping against hope, they still believed. They didn’t see how, they didn’t understand why, but they believed that Jesus would come back. Their Saturday was very different than everyone else in the room. They too were sad, afraid and confused; but deep inside they were hopeful, waiting for a comeback.

A lot of us are waiting for a comeback. All the signs point in the wrong direction, but somehow, some way we hope for a miracle, a restoration, a resurrection. We are scared, discouraged and desperate; but Jesus said he’d be back. We don’t know how, or when or where, but today we wait in hope.

What if, for just a day, we called today Hopeful Saturday? What if, for just a day, we focused on the “already but not yet” aspect of the Gospel? Jesus is dead. The tomb is sealed. Hope is gone. We are already at the end, but the beginning is just a few hours away. Regardless what we see, today we choose hope.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][social_buttons full_width_icons=”true” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” linkedin=”true”][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Is This the Best a Man Can Get?

There has been a great deal of controversy around Gillette’s commercial in which they address “toxic masculinity” played out in a “boys will be boys” mindset, bullying and objectification of women. Whether you agree or disagree with the viewpoint of the commercial, I think it raises an important question for church leadership, “Is this the best a man can get?”

As I look at church leadership in America, which remains predominately male, I am challenged by the question. Regardless of our theological nuances, do we believe that the picture we convey of a male Christian leader, not the one we espouse but the one we live out, reflects healthy male leaders in scripture? Of particular concern is how we relate to women.

The model

As in everything in life Jesus is our model. Our template for behavior and attitude starts and ends with him. How did he relate to women? Over and over again we see Jesus treating women as equals to men in a culture where they were considered little more than property. He did not objectify them, and he did not treat them as weak or helpless. He did not create barriers between himself and women, and he never put a woman in a compromising position. He defended women in front of men, not because they were weak but because the men held all the power. Jesus is the model of the best a man can get.

The Apostle Paul followed in Jesus’ footsteps in setting the standard for male leaders interacting with women. We often focus Paul’s instructions on differences in the roles of men and women in very specific cultural situations, but we lose sight of how Paul consistently partnered with women in leading the early church. In Romans 16 Paul makes it crystal clear that he valued the contribution of women equally with that of men.

The Bible sets a very high standard for men, especially in how we relate to women. My fear is that in America we are falling well short of that standard and we’re continually wounding our wives, sisters and daughters. Here are a few of the ways I see we are coming short of reflecting the models of Jesus and Paul:

No women at the leadership table

It is very common to have no women at the table when major church decisions are made. This in spite of the fact women make up the majority of many churches. The ironic thing is that churches that stress the differences in men and women most emphatically are the least likely to include women in decisions. If women and men are so different, and they are, why do men think they don’t need a woman’s perspective at the table? I’m often told they don’t need women at the table because they talk to their wives. I wonder how that would play if women used the same excuse when leading, “I don’t need your input because I already asked my husband”?

Women restricted to leading either women’s or children’s ministry

Some women are wired up to lead women and children in your church. Other women are gifted to lead small groups, or discipleship, or communication or finance. When we restrict a woman to very specific roles we lost the opportunity to benefit from a wide range of gifting, and we block a woman from serving in the way God created her.

Only certain roles for women celebrated

Some women stay at home, and some work outside the home. Some are single, and some are married, divorced or widowed. Despite this diversity, churches often celebrate only one or two “ideal” roles for women. Unintentionally this devalues women who don’t fit this mold.

Women are patronized

Although most churches have moved beyond the typical secretarial stereotype they still patronize women in administrative roles. Their opinions carry less weight than men’s, if their opinions are sought at all. Men are described as “good leaders with strong opinions” while women are pigeon-holed as “hard to work with” and worse.

Men and women being treated differently when there is a moral failure

When a male leader is caught in a moral failure with a woman the man is often treated differently than the woman. This pattern goes all they way back to the woman caught in adultery in John 8. The woman was humiliated in front of Jesus while the man was allowed to sneak away.

Can we do better?

I am painting with a broad brush; there are many churches that do a tremendous job celebrating the leadership gifts of both men and women while honoring their unique roles. My fear, however, is too often we hide behind our interpretation of Biblical masculinity, mixed with insecurity and misogyny, to hinder and harm the women in our church. I’m also concerned that we hamper the spread of the Gospel as people outside the church see how we treat women and say, “No thanks”. I think we need to continue to ask ourselves and each other, “Is This the Best a Man Can Get?”