Is your event a cul-de-sac or a roundabout?

We love living on a cul-de-sac. We know many of our neighbors, the grandkids can play in the street without a lot of concern and we never have cars speeding through the neighborhood. (If they did they’d wind up in our neighbors front yard.) Cul-de-sacs make a great destination, but a lousy thoroughfare.

The opposite of a cul-de-sac is a roundabout. These are very popular in Europe, but they are becoming more common in the U.S. The purpose of a roundabout is to keep traffic flowing toward multiple destinations. A roundabout makes an efficient thoroughfare, but a lousy destination.

[bctt tweet=”The key to effectiveness in church is to understand the difference between a cul-de-sac and a roundabout, and to plan accordingly. ” username=”geoffsurratt”]

Most events in a church are planned as cul-de-sacs. You come to an event, participate in the programming, and leave the way you came. There is no plan to help you move toward a destination, its simply a place to be. It is a cul-de-sac.

Here are some of the common cul-de-sacs churches:

Marriage retreat
Women’s conference
Fall Festival
VBS
Night to Shine
Concert
Global Leadership Summit
Easter and Christmas Eve services

These cul-de-sacs because participants are simply that, participants. They come, experience the event, and then leave by the same road they came in on. Hopefully they learned something, had some fun, or met someone new, but for the most part they are no nearer a destination than when they showed up.

We can transform ministry cul-de-sacs into roundabouts by offering clear next steps. Every participant should be able to easily identify and take a next step toward a preferred destination. To create effective next steps we need to understand the dynamics of a roundabout:

We need to offer more than one potential next step. People come from different situations and not everyone is ready, or needs, our one prescribed way forward. A next step may be as simple as signing up for a Facebook group, reading a short devotional or meeting with a leader over coffee. It is important, however, that next steps aren’t simply new cul-de-sacs. Each step should be followed by a step, each designed to help someone toward a destination.
We shouldn’t offer too many options. A roundabout with three possible directions can be challenging, a roundabout with ten possibilities would be a nightmare. Offer two or three possible next steps at every event (even weekly events). Never tell people, “Go to our website and look at all of the options available.” That is paralyzing and ineffective. They need a limited number of options they can take right now, not a catalog of potential choices eventually.

[bctt tweet=”Never tell people, “Go to our website and look at all of options available.” That is paralyzing and ineffective.” username=”geoffsurratt”]

At your next weekend or event planning meeting ask this question, “What are two or three obvious, simple and likely next steps we can invite participants to take?” If you can’t find next steps you are creating cul-de-sacs. You won’t be making progress, but the grandkids will love it.

Is This the Best a Man Can Get?

There has been a great deal of controversy around Gillette’s commercial in which they address “toxic masculinity” played out in a “boys will be boys” mindset, bullying and objectification of women. Whether you agree or disagree with the viewpoint of the commercial, I think it raises an important question for church leadership, “Is this the best a man can get?”

As I look at church leadership in America, which remains predominately male, I am challenged by the question. Regardless of our theological nuances, do we believe that the picture we convey of a male Christian leader, not the one we espouse but the one we live out, reflects healthy male leaders in scripture? Of particular concern is how we relate to women.

The model

As in everything in life Jesus is our model. Our template for behavior and attitude starts and ends with him. How did he relate to women? Over and over again we see Jesus treating women as equals to men in a culture where they were considered little more than property. He did not objectify them, and he did not treat them as weak or helpless. He did not create barriers between himself and women, and he never put a woman in a compromising position. He defended women in front of men, not because they were weak but because the men held all the power. Jesus is the model of the best a man can get.

The Apostle Paul followed in Jesus’ footsteps in setting the standard for male leaders interacting with women. We often focus Paul’s instructions on differences in the roles of men and women in very specific cultural situations, but we lose sight of how Paul consistently partnered with women in leading the early church. In Romans 16 Paul makes it crystal clear that he valued the contribution of women equally with that of men.

The Bible sets a very high standard for men, especially in how we relate to women. My fear is that in America we are falling well short of that standard and we’re continually wounding our wives, sisters and daughters. Here are a few of the ways I see we are coming short of reflecting the models of Jesus and Paul:

No women at the leadership table

It is very common to have no women at the table when major church decisions are made. This in spite of the fact women make up the majority of many churches. The ironic thing is that churches that stress the differences in men and women most emphatically are the least likely to include women in decisions. If women and men are so different, and they are, why do men think they don’t need a woman’s perspective at the table? I’m often told they don’t need women at the table because they talk to their wives. I wonder how that would play if women used the same excuse when leading, “I don’t need your input because I already asked my husband”?

Women restricted to leading either women’s or children’s ministry

Some women are wired up to lead women and children in your church. Other women are gifted to lead small groups, or discipleship, or communication or finance. When we restrict a woman to very specific roles we lost the opportunity to benefit from a wide range of gifting, and we block a woman from serving in the way God created her.

Only certain roles for women celebrated

Some women stay at home, and some work outside the home. Some are single, and some are married, divorced or widowed. Despite this diversity, churches often celebrate only one or two “ideal” roles for women. Unintentionally this devalues women who don’t fit this mold.

Women are patronized

Although most churches have moved beyond the typical secretarial stereotype they still patronize women in administrative roles. Their opinions carry less weight than men’s, if their opinions are sought at all. Men are described as “good leaders with strong opinions” while women are pigeon-holed as “hard to work with” and worse.

Men and women being treated differently when there is a moral failure

When a male leader is caught in a moral failure with a woman the man is often treated differently than the woman. This pattern goes all they way back to the woman caught in adultery in John 8. The woman was humiliated in front of Jesus while the man was allowed to sneak away.

Can we do better?

I am painting with a broad brush; there are many churches that do a tremendous job celebrating the leadership gifts of both men and women while honoring their unique roles. My fear, however, is too often we hide behind our interpretation of Biblical masculinity, mixed with insecurity and misogyny, to hinder and harm the women in our church. I’m also concerned that we hamper the spread of the Gospel as people outside the church see how we treat women and say, “No thanks”. I think we need to continue to ask ourselves and each other, “Is This the Best a Man Can Get?”

You can’t measure Gospel impact

I wonder how the speaker felt at the end of the service that night. She and a friend had been so moved by an encounter with the Holy Spirit they decided to travel from town to town in western Oklahoma, sharing the Gospel with whoever showed up. They didn’t own a tent like other traveling preachers of the time, so they conducted their meetings under a brush arbor (a temporary shelter made of poles and straw). I wonder if the speaker went home disappointed with the size of the crowd, or the response to the appeal for salvation. I wonder if she struggled with doubt. Maybe she considered giving up her incredibly difficult ministry. She may have felt that all her effort was in vain.

She didn’t know that a young mother, suffering from an incurable illness, was listening that night. She was too weak to sit under the shelter, so she reclined in the backseat of the family car, straining to hear the good news that Jesus loved her. When the speaker asked if anyone wanted to respond to the Gospel the young lady feebly raised her hand in the darkness. No one saw, and no one knew, but that sermon changed everything.

The young lady was my grandmother, and that night she became a Christ-follower. Soon my grandfather also follows Jesus. Eventually he becomes a church planter, his sons become pastors and his daughter marries an evangelist. Directly or indirectly thousands of people eventually hear and respond to the Gospel through my grandmother’s family, and it all began with an anonymous sermon to a small crowd of farmers gathered in red dust of an Oklahoma field. I doubt the preacher of that sermon ever knew its impact.

I don’t know who heard your sermon yesterday. There may have been thousands of engaged listeners, or a handful of half-awake attenders. You may have walked away feeling like you hit a home run, or you might have snuck out the back door feeling like you struck out trying to bunt. What I am sure of, however, is the Gospel does not come back empty. There is no way to gauge the impact of what you preached yesterday. You can’t measure it in attendance, or offerings, or hands raised, or cards turned in. The impact of the Gospel isn’t limited by talent or time. The potential fruit of the seeds you plant is almost incomprehensible.

No one would have looked at the tiny, dying bootlegger’s wife in the back seat of an dirty old Ford that night and thought, “Now there’s a world changer.” And everyone would have been wrong. Someone just like my grandmother may have heard your sermon yesterday. My prayer for you this morning is you will see just a hint of what God will do with the Gospel you preached. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][social_buttons full_width_icons=”true” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” linkedin=”true”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”full_width_background” full_screen_row_position=”middle” bg_color=”#efefef” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” top_padding=”20″ bottom_padding=”20″ overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” shape_type=””][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][image_with_animation image_url=”5935″ alignment=”” animation=”Fade In” border_radius=”none” box_shadow=”none” max_width=”100%”][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”padding-5-percent” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”2/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]Navigating this new chapter in church history will require balancing the tension between what is necessary from the past and what is needed for future. I’ve spent the last several years thinking about and researching this challenge, and share my insights in my new eBook, The Church Will Thrive. You can get your free copy here.[/vc_column_text][divider line_type=”No Line”][nectar_btn size=”jumbo” open_new_tab=”true” button_style=”regular” button_color_2=”Accent-Color” icon_family=”none” url=”https://mailchi.mp/ministrytogether.com/99nvr59fdz” text=”Download here”][/vc_column][/vc_row]

How to Handle a Moral Failure (Part 3)

In case of emergency, don’t panic

My goal in writing this series of posts is to help churches with a situation I hope they never face, the moral failure of a key leader. Unfortunately few churches are adequately prepared for this type of emergency and in a state of near panic make devastating decisions. I think the eight principles I am sharing can keep your church from going down that same path.

In Part 1 and Part 2 we explored the first five guidelines:

Make a plan in advance
Discover the truth
Tell the truth
Accept responsibility
Communicate often and clearly

In Part 3 we’ll finish with the final three guidelines.

Eight guiding principles when a leader has a moral failure

6. Balance grace and truth

There are two camps that tend to form when dealing with a moral failure. The truth camp says, “The consequences of the sin mean the end of employment and severing of relationship. Its time to move one. How can we stay true to the Bible if do not deal with sin in the camp?” The grace camp says, “Restoration is the goal. Grace means we forgive, we offer help and we restore the leader to their position in time. Where would any of us be without grace?”

The reality is that both camps are right. Truth without grace is harsh and hypocritical, while grace without truth diminishes the seriousness of sin and the obligations of leadership. Finding the balance between extremes is the biggest challenge when dealing with moral failure. Factors to consider include:

Did the leader come forward or did they get caught? An environment where leaders know that if they confess sin in their lives they will immediately lose their jobs leads to more secrecy and less accountability. The pendulum should swing more toward grace in a case where the leader confessed before he was caught.
Is this a first time offense or part of a pattern of transgressions?
Is there a humble spirit focused on repentance, restitution and reconciliation?

Another factor at play is that grace doesn’t always mean restoration to a position of leadership in the church. There are times when, because of the seriousness of the offense, the leader loses the moral authority to lead. There is a difference between having people in the congregation who have had affairs and asking an entire congregation to follow a leader who has a pattern of sexual sin.

[bctt tweet=”Forgiveness and grace don’t necessarily equate with restoration of authority.” username=”geoffsurratt”]

An additional priority to consider is the pain caused to third parties. When a pastor fails morally it is like dropping a rock into a pond; the ripples go out in all directions long after the rock has settled to the bottom. Moving too quickly without proper regard or care for innocent people who have been wounded in the process is incredibly harmful. Grace isn’t just for the pastor, it also extends to the people his actions have impacted.

7. Lean into outside help

Regardless your theology around the autonomy of the local church, every congregation needs help in a time of crisis. There are leaders who’ve walked through similar challenges and they can bring insight and wisdom. Outside eyes can help discover systems and structures that need to change in light of the crisis. And it is helpful for the congregation to know that you are seeking and receiving wisdom from more seasoned leaders.

As we discussed in the first guideline, long before a moral crisis arises church leaders should put together a list of who they’ll call on in a crisis. Ideally, however, they won’t wait for a crisis to ask for help. I can’t imagine why any church wouldn’t want input and perspective from leaders outside of the congregation. These leaders don’t have to have authority over the local elder board, but they certainly should be invited in as outside consultants. (Paid or unpaid)

[bctt tweet=”We lean on others for relationship advice, parenting advice and financial advice; why wouldn’t a church regularly ask for outside input on the health of the church?” username=”geoffsurratt”]

If we’ve established a relationship with a group of outside leaders before we face crisis we won’t have to call on strangers when a crisis arises.

8. Learn before hiring next leader

If there is a change in leadership because of a moral failure it is important to learn vital lessons before hiring someone new.

What led to the moral failure?
What signs did we miss?
What about the leadership role as it is currently constituted contributed to the crisis?
What systems and structure changes do we need to make before looking for a new leader?

I see churches make two mistakes at this point. The first is to overcorrect. The elders decide they need to take a much more active role in leading the church, new codes of conduct are enacted, and staff structure and reporting is completely revamped. The other mistake is to decide that all of the problems were unique to the former leader, so few changes are needed in the role of pastor or organizational structure.

[bctt tweet=”The reality is any moral failure is partly because of individual sin and partly because of organizational weakness; it is crucial to carefully discover each.” username=”geoffsurratt”]

Finally

Hopefully as church leaders you are investing in the physical, relational and spiritual health of your pastors. You are asking the right questions and coming alongside leaders who are struggling. You have guardrails in place and you are making sure no one is on a leadership island alone. Unfortunately, even if you are doing all the right things, some leaders will still make very poor decisions and you’ll find yourselves in a moral crisis. My prayer is these guidelines will help your navigate the storm, and the church and leader will find health on the other side. And, as always, let me know if I can help.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][social_buttons full_width_icons=”true” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” linkedin=”true”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”full_width_background” full_screen_row_position=”middle” bg_color=”#efefef” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” top_padding=”20″ bottom_padding=”20″ overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” shape_type=””][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][image_with_animation image_url=”5935″ alignment=”” animation=”Fade In” border_radius=”none” box_shadow=”none” max_width=”100%”][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”padding-5-percent” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”2/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]Navigating this new chapter in church history will require balancing the tension between what is necessary from the past and what is needed for future. I’ve spent the last several years thinking about and researching this challenge, and share my insights in my new eBook, The Church Will Thrive. You can get your free copy here.[/vc_column_text][divider line_type=”No Line”][vc_row_inner column_margin=”default” text_align=”left”][vc_column_inner column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” centered_text=”true” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_raw_html]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[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row]

How to Handle a Moral Failure (Part 2)

Lessons from the front lines

As I mentioned in Part 1 of this series this has become very personal topic for me over the past couple of years as I have stepped in as interim pastor at two different churches dealing with a moral failure by the lead pastor. No church thinks they will face this kind of crisis, but sadly many will. I want to share with you the lessons I’m learning on the front lines.

In Part 1 we looked at lessons 1 and 2:

Make a plan in advance
Discover the truth

In Part 2 we’ll unpack three more lessons.

Eight guiding principles when a leader has a moral failure

3. Tell the truth

After time spent discovering the truth it is important to tell the truth. The question here is always, “Who should we tell and how much should we share?”

Tell everyone who needs to know (not everyone who wants to know) and tell everything they need to know.

If an administrative assistant is caught skimming a few hundred dollars, the entire congregation doesn’t have a legitimate need to know. If, however, the senior pastor gets caught in an affair the people in the congregation need to know the truth.

Protect innocent parties, and don’t reveal details that don’t help people process the situation, but don’t spin the truth. The more you nuance the circumstances the more you will have to explain and answer later. Eventually the truth will get out, so the best thing to do is tell it all right up front. Rumors and gossip will fly no matter what you do, but if you tell the truth you can continually go back to the original statement and say, “What we said is the truth. No more, no less.”

Telling the truth will be raw, painful and controversial. There will be leaders who insist that it isn’t helpful to put everything out there, that it is important to craft the message. I can tell you from experience they are wrong. As Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” You will also have attenders who don’t understand why it is important to share what happened with the congregation. This is a teaching moment on the responsibilities and consequences of leadership.

4. Accept responsibility

I have a friend who had a staff member arrested at the church offices for having had sex with a minor at a church where he previously worked. My friend knew there had been a previous inappropriate relationship with a young lady, but the staff member had lied about the extent of the relationship and the age of the young lady. Before hiring him my friend checked references, called the pastor at the previous church, asked a counselor to meet with the young man and sought input from several people who also did interviews. After receiving a thumbs up from everyone he went forward with the hire, and then the police showed up.

As he prepared to meet with the congregation to share the story an advisor told him not to accept responsibility for the mess. He said, “You did your due diligence and you brought other leaders into the process. There is no need for you to fall on the sword.” When he stood in front of the congregation he shared everything he knew about the young man’s transgression and the decision making process that went into hiring him, and then he said, “At the end of the day I made a mistake. I should not have hired this man, and the responsibility is mine.” Following the meeting several people thanked him personally and told him how much it meant to them that someone was willing to stand up and take responsibility.

We do not need to take responsibility for another’s sin, but we do need to take responsibility for our part. In every story we have a role, and healing begins when we own up to our own shortcomings.

5. Communicate often and clearly

One of the biggest mistakes churches make after a crisis is fumbling the communication. A lot of thought is put into the first communication with a promise to give regular updates. After that almost every church falls into the trap of not communicating unless they feel like there is something they want to communicate.

What people want is to be treated like adults. Don’t wordsmith every phrase, and don’t hesitate to say, We’re working hard trying to determine next steps, but we don’t have anything new to share.” Set up a schedule and forum for regular, honest communication and stick to it.

One of the most important things in communicating with the staff and congregation is to continue to tell the truth. If more information comes to light, let them know. If you make mistakes along the way, admit it. This is a challenging season for the church and for the leaders, people understand that no one involved is perfect. As I said before, people want to be treated like adults.

Remember, in Abraham Lincoln’s words, you can’t please all the people all the time. There will be people upset with how the situation is handled no matter what you do. Some people will quit the church, some may start petitions, and some will definitely air all of their opinions on Facebook. Trying to play to the crowd or control response is futile. The keys to effective communication in a leadership crisis is candor and consistency.

In the third and final installment on this topic we’ll discuss the final three guidelines your church needs to apply in the event of a moral failure by a key leader. I hope you never have to use these guidelines, but I hope if you do they will help your church and leaders return to health.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][social_buttons full_width_icons=”true” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” linkedin=”true”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”full_width_background” full_screen_row_position=”middle” bg_color=”#efefef” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” top_padding=”20″ bottom_padding=”20″ overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” shape_type=””][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][image_with_animation image_url=”5935″ alignment=”” animation=”Fade In” border_radius=”none” box_shadow=”none” max_width=”100%”][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”padding-5-percent” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”2/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]Navigating this new chapter in church history will require balancing the tension between what is necessary from the past and what is needed for future. I’ve spent the last several years thinking about and researching this challenge, and share my insights in my new eBook, The Church Will Thrive. You can get your free copy here.[/vc_column_text][divider line_type=”No Line”][vc_row_inner column_margin=”default” text_align=”left”][vc_column_inner column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” centered_text=”true” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_raw_html]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[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row]

How to Handle a Moral Failure (Part 1)

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]The text said, “Call as soon as you can, I have to talk to you today.” I knew my friend wasn’t texting because he had awesome news to share. Two hours later we were sitting outside a Starbucks as he confessed that the addiction he had assured me was in his past was no longer in his past. He had relapsed and the consequences would be devastating. Within a month I stepped in as interim pastor of his struggling church plant to try to help the congregation cope with the situation, and to help my friend find his way to health.

A few months later I got a similar text from a different source, “I know you’re in England, but I need to talk with you today.” This time it was the lead elder at the megachurch where I worked telling me the senior pastor had been caught in a moral failure. I now needed to step away from leading the church plant to focus on the second crisis. Within weeks I was asked to be the interim pastor of the second church in less than a year.

The eventual outcome for these two churches has been very different. The church plant has recovered its footing and the original pastor is back in his role leading the church to impact their community. The second church is still reeling from the crisis. In each case I’ve learned some painful lessons from things that were done well and things that were done poorly. I will share eight of these lessons over the next three posts. Hopefully these lessons will help your church if and when you face a leadership crisis.

Before I share the lessons I have several caveats:

I am a sinner saved by grace and am just as likely to fail as any other man.
I made many mistakes in navigating the situations mentioned above. Hopefully I have learned from my mistakes. Those lessons inform what I share below.
My advice will not necessarily match what you read or hear from professional PR people. My advice may also clash with that of HR managers, businessmen, other pastors and attenders.
What I share is not focused on the easiest route for the pastor or for the church. The reality is sin has consequences and those consequences can be delayed but seldom eliminated. These guidelines are not based on what will keep attendance and giving from dropping. My goal is a balance of truth and grace which can ultimately lead to health for everyone impacted by the sin.

Eight guiding principles when a leader has a moral failure

1. Make a plan before the crisis

Almost every church leader I’ve talked to after a pastor’s moral failure says they were completely unprepared for the crisis, so when the crisis came they had no plan for what to do next. Without a plan the loudest voice in the room takes charge, but that person seldom has the wisdom or experience to navigate the crisis. What follows can be chaos and panic, fueled by poor decisions based on mistrust. You need a plan BEFORE the crisis hits.

This is why every airline flight begins with instructions of what to do in case of emergency.

“In case of a water landing life jackets are available under your seat…”

I’m pretty sure a water landing between Denver and Kansas City is unlikely, but the flight crew has a very specific set of steps to follow if something does go wrong during the flight. Not once in the hundreds of flights I’ve taken have they had to use these emergency procedures, but I’m very glad they exist.

Your leadership teams need step-by-step instructions of what they will do when a crisis occurs.

They need to answer questions like:

Who will we call on to help us through the crisis?
Who will take over leading the staff and congregation if the senior pastor is involved?
How will we communicate with the staff and congregation during the crisis? Who will lead this process?
Who will manage budget and personnel questions during the crisis?
How will we make decisions about the future status of the leader in question?
How will we select new leadership if necessary?

2. Discover the truth

The truth is seldom what it seems in the first few days of a crisis. When someone says, “I’ve told you everything,” what they mean is, “I’ve told you everything I feel is relevant and discoverable. There are things I’m not telling you because I’m scared of the consequences, or I’m in denial about them myself.” In every situation I’ve been involved in the full extent of the situation comes out in pieces. We’ve seen this play out tragically at Willow Creek Community Church over the past several months as the truth about the pastor’s actions have come out a piece at a time.

The other challenge of discovering the truth is we often hear what we want to hear. If the failed leader is someone we love deeply, we want to believe their version of the truth. The story they tell is bad enough, we don’t want to face the reality that there might be more. On the flip side there are times when because of our own weakness and sin we secretly want the story to be as salacious as possible. The biggest challenge is we are not aware of these biases, they are blindspots that we can’t see by just trying harder.

I have to come to believe that in most circumstances of moral failure a disinterested third party is needed to really discover the truth.

Someone who the church leaders know and trust, but someone without an axe to grind or a friend to protect. Ideally this unbiased third party will be identified ahead of time in the crisis plan. Regardless of whether you bring in a third party, it is essential early in the process to do the hard work of discovering “the truth and nothing but the truth”.

Next

In Part 2 we will unpack three more principles every church needs to know before they face a moral crisis. If you are already walking through a crisis let me know how I can help.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][social_buttons full_width_icons=”true” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” linkedin=”true”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”full_width_background” full_screen_row_position=”middle” bg_color=”#efefef” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” top_padding=”20″ bottom_padding=”20″ overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” shape_type=””][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][image_with_animation image_url=”5935″ alignment=”” animation=”Fade In” border_radius=”none” box_shadow=”none” max_width=”100%”][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”padding-5-percent” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”2/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]Navigating this new chapter in church history will require balancing the tension between what is necessary from the past and what is needed for future. I’ve spent the last several years thinking about and researching this challenge, and share my insights in my new eBook, The Church Will Thrive. You can get your free copy here.[/vc_column_text][divider line_type=”No Line”][vc_row_inner column_margin=”default” text_align=”left”][vc_column_inner column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” centered_text=”true” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_raw_html]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[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Necessary Changes in the Wake of Willow Creek

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]The first news I read this morning was of the resignation of Heather Larsen and the entire Willow Creek elder board. This is the culmination of an incredibly sad chapter for arguably the most influential organization and leader in the American church over the past 50 years. It is ironic that today is also the kickoff of the Global Leadership Summit, a conference built on the leadership and legacy of Bill Hybels and Willow Creek.

I have shared in the past how personal this tragedy feels to me. No one has had more influence on what I believe about leadership than Bill Hybels, and no church has had a greater impact on my understanding of what it means to be a church focused on sharing the Good News with those outside the church. Since I wrote that original post back in April, the evidence that the real Bill Hybels is very different than the one I knew from speeches, sermons and books. His actions, and the complicity of the Willow leaders, have been devastating to the women who’ve been hurt and the congregants who’ve been misled. As drastic as it is, I think the resignation of the entire leadership structure is the only way forward for Willow. I pray that the new leaders will find grace and wisdom in the difficult days ahead.

I also believe that we, as leaders in the American church, need to take time to learn the lessons that apply to all of us. It is easy to see the train wreck at Willow and think, “That’s not me”. but the reality is that to some extent it is many of us. We have been influenced and shaped by the same principles and methods that Willow was built on. If your church’s core values include words like excellence, authenticity and relevance, then your roots go back to the late 1970s and a church started in the Willow Creek movie theater in the suburbs of Chicago.

I’m not suggesting we need to throw out everything we learned from Hybels and Willow, but I am suggesting we need to re-examine the infrastructure that supports our churches and make sure it is healthy and solid. Over the next few days I will share several articles around the role of elders and how to respond to a crisis. Today I want to briefly look at four tenets of the Willow era that need to be re-examined.

Before we dive in I want to say I am for growing churches, I am for gifted lead pastors and I am for local church leadership. This is not an article bashing the megachurch or questioning the role of lead pastor. This is a plea to my tribe to carefully consider our past before we plunge forward into the future.

Four Potential Traps

Autonomy of local churches

History is always a reaction to what came before, and the last 50 years in the American church has been to some extent driven by a negative reaction to the abuses found in the hierarchy of denominations. There have always been independent churches, but Willow made non-denominational attractive to those who wanted to step outside the traditional church structures. The challenge is that lack of outside influence can also mean lack of outside wisdom and accountability. In many cases the pendulum has swung too far toward local autonomy, this is a chance to rethink our connection to the church at large.

Opacity of elder boards

Similar to local autonomy, changes in church governance have come in reaction to the extreme congregational bent of messy business meetings and unseemly church votes. In large churches the trend has been toward a relatively small board of elders approved by a tiny percentage of the congregation. Very few of the church adherents have any idea who the elders are or what they do. These boards can become sounding boards and rubber stamps for the vision of the lead pastor, with very little input outside the small circle of leaders.

[bctt tweet=”This is a time to re-evaluate the role of the local elders without resorting back to an unhealthy and unwieldy form of church government from the past.” username=”geoffsurratt”]

Celebrity of pastors

The American church has closely emulated the successful American corporation in the treatment of lead pastors. As the church grows the perks associated with the job grow exponentially. Larger salaries, assigned parking spots, car allowances, expanded vacations, security guards, live-in personal assistants, even private airplanes. The list grows as the offerings and attendance grow. In some cases the pastors are treated more like kings than shepherds.

The problem is that this kind of treatment can destroy your soul. You begin to think you deserve to be treated this way. I just spent a few days at an all-inclusive resort that catered to my every whim; a few more days of that and I’d be completely worthless. Some pastors are treated that way every day.

[bctt tweet=”We need to re-examine what is reasonable and right in taking care of lead pastors, and what is excessive and soul-rotting.” username=”geoffsurratt”]

Over emphasis on attendance growth

The fourth trap that has become prominent in the era of Willow Creek style churches is the constant focus on the number of people who attend weekend services. Subconsciously we believe the lie that a growing church is a church to be emulated. We overlook arrogance and mistreatment of staff as long as the numbers keep increasing. And we seldom pay much attention to where the people are coming from, ignoring the improbability of thousands of people with no connection to church suddenly deciding to give up Sunday mornings for three songs and a lecture.

[bctt tweet=”I love growing churches, but its time to look more critically at whether we are simply attracting people from other churches at any cost.” username=”geoffsurratt”]

I do not believe that every megachurch is on the wrong track, or that every large church pastor is unethical. What I describe above is the worst case scenario based on some of the poor paths we have taken in the past decades as church leaders. At the same time I’ve had a front row seat at churches like Seacoast where I’ve watched my brother fight against many of these trends and walk 40+ years of ministry with integrity. There are many other leaders like Greg and churches like Seacoast.

As we watch the collapse of leadership at one of the great American churches, however, we each need to step back and ask, “Lord, what do you want ME to learn from this tragedy.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][social_buttons full_width_icons=”true” facebook=”true” twitter=”true” linkedin=”true”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”full_width_background” full_screen_row_position=”middle” bg_color=”#efefef” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” top_padding=”20″ bottom_padding=”20″ overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” shape_type=””][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][image_with_animation image_url=”5935″ alignment=”” animation=”Fade In” border_radius=”none” box_shadow=”none” max_width=”100%”][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”padding-5-percent” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”2/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]Navigating this new chapter in church history will require balancing the tension between what is necessary from the past and what is needed for future. I’ve spent the last several years thinking about and researching this challenge, and share my insights in my new eBook, The Church Will Thrive. You can get your free copy here.[/vc_column_text][divider line_type=”No Line”][nectar_btn size=”jumbo” open_new_tab=”true” button_style=”regular” button_color_2=”Accent-Color” icon_family=”none” url=”https://mailchi.mp/ministrytogether.com/99nvr59fdz” text=”Download Here”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][image_with_animation alignment=”” animation=”Fade In” border_radius=”none” box_shadow=”none” max_width=”100%”][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Is this the end of the church as we know it?

[vc_row type=”in_container” full_screen_row_position=”middle” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom”][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]For several years we have read of the demise of the church in America. Young people are staying away in droves, old people are dying, and everyday the church becomes more irrelevant. On top of that hardly a week goes by without news of yet another moral failure by the leader of a prominent megachurch or religious organization. It feels like we are watching the beginning of the end for the evangelical in America.

We’re just waiting for the plug to be pulled and the obituary written.

I’m not so sure, however, that this is the end. While there is no doubt the patient isn’t doing well, there are still signs of life. One of the most encouraging signs comes from the UK. Conventional wisdom says that we are just a few years behind our cousins from across the pond in the decline and collapse of Christian commitment in our country. The good news is that there is a renewed interest in faith growing across the pond. Young people who grew up with no church connection or knowledge of the Bible are very open to talking about Jesus. Church planting and multisite churches are expanding across the UK and for the first time in decades church leaders are hopeful about the future. You can read some of the research around this trend here

Another sign of life is the rise of young, innovative leaders who are reinventing what an ecclesia looks like in a post-religious world. Churches are expanding beyond Sunday, gathering in public spaces, training lay leaders to lead microsites, and revisiting the whole idea of three songs and a lecture as the only legitimate expression of worship in a church gathering. Many of these new ideas will likely fade, but some are bearing fruit and starting a wave. It is much too early to declare victory, but it is also way too soon to pronounce last rites.

The church is struggling, but it will survive and thrive.

To thrive, however, we have to confront the tension of maintaining ties with the past while giving the next generation space to invent the future. The reality for me is that I am too old to figure out what’s next, and that’s ok. When I was in my 20s I wasn’t looking for a 56-year-old to come up with great ideas to reach my generation.

What I did need was wisdom and resources that only come with time and experience. If you are in my generation our role is to equip and support new and younger leaders as they discover what God is doing next. We have to stop competing, stop controlling and stop criticizing Millennial leaders. Our charge to next generation leaders is, in the words of the great theologian Mary Jane Watson encouraging Spiderman, “Go get ‘em, Tiger”.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row type=”full_width_background” full_screen_row_position=”middle” bg_color=”#efefef” scene_position=”center” text_color=”dark” text_align=”left” top_padding=”20″ bottom_padding=”20″ overlay_strength=”0.3″ shape_divider_position=”bottom” shape_type=””][vc_column column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][image_with_animation image_url=”5935″ alignment=”” animation=”Fade In” border_radius=”none” box_shadow=”none” max_width=”100%”][/vc_column][vc_column column_padding=”padding-5-percent” column_padding_position=”all” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”2/3″ tablet_text_alignment=”default” phone_text_alignment=”default” column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_column_text]Navigating this new chapter in church history will require balancing the tension between what is necessary from the past and what is needed for future. I’ve spent the last several years thinking about and researching this challenge, and share my insights in my new eBook, The Church Will Thrive. You can get your free copy here.[/vc_column_text][divider line_type=”No Line”][vc_row_inner column_margin=”default” text_align=”left”][vc_column_inner column_padding=”no-extra-padding” column_padding_position=”all” centered_text=”true” background_color_opacity=”1″ background_hover_color_opacity=”1″ column_shadow=”none” column_border_radius=”none” width=”1/1″ column_border_width=”none” column_border_style=”solid”][vc_raw_html]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[/vc_raw_html][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Why women can’t lead in your church

As I have watched the scandal unfold at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary over the past few weeks I have been struck by the underlying tone of men’s treatment of women, especially women leaders, in the church world. It is a world where often men lead and women follow, a patriarchy that feeds how women are often treated in churches, Bible colleges and seminaries across the country. Under this system the church is deprived of desperately needed leaders, and women are scarred for life. To understand how this feels read this excellent post by Beth Moore describing how she has been treated by men in the church. Treating women leaders like second class citizens in the church has to end.

I know what I’m talking about. For 36 years of ministry I have often sat around tables with men paying service to the value of women leaders while dismissing their opinions and undermining their leadership. I’ve also seen up close the damage this ubiquitous attitude does to the two most important women in my life; my wife and my daughter. Although my wife is an incredible leader and thinker, I’ve seen her struggle to overcome chauvinism in the church world again and again. (I am thankful she works for an organization, The ReThink Group, that considers gender irrelevant to leadership.) I have seen my daughter, who has amazing musical and technical gifts, struggle to break into the informal boys’ clubs at churches where she’s served. I also know what I’m talking about because I too have been guilty of not championing women leaders.

The women in our families and the mission of our churches are too important to continue to go along with the status quo. It is time to make significant strides to engage all of the gifts in our congregations, regardless of gender. To change a system as ingrained as patriarchy, however, will take courage and it will take work. To avoid the change that is needed we often hide behind time-worn excuses.

We hide behind theology

Some hide behind the theology of complementarianism, which says that women and men have different but complementary roles in life. The challenge is at times this stance can limit what leadership roles are available to women in the church. My goal isn’t to argue theology, but to challenge the idea that God limits leadership based on gender. I understand believing the Apostle Paul reserves certain roles for men, but I don’t see how you can read the list of women leaders in Romans 16 and not see that Paul believed women were qualified for most other roles in the church.

Others hide in their egalitarianism, the belief that men and women are equal and deserve equal rights and opportunities. While in these circles a woman theoretically can preach, hold the office of elder and be called a pastor, she is often still excluded from the table where decisions are made. I have found that chauvinism isn’t bound by theology.

We hide behind the possibility of temptation

This argument says we have to build walls around the women we work with to avoid the temptation of sexual sin. The walls we build include never being alone in a room with a woman, never mentoring a woman and never discussing anything personal with a woman. Unfortunately these walls have proved ineffective based on the number of men who followed this protocol and were still caught in an affair with a co-worker. What these walls are very effective at is limiting the leadership of women. Limiting access to other leaders is death to collaboration, growth and advancement.

Here’s what I wonder about walls; if they are effective at combatting temptation, why don’t we build similar walls to prevent other sins? Shouldn’t I limit my access to men who tempt me to anger? Shouldn’t I refuse to meet alone with men who spark envy? Surely I should never share anything personal with a man who may cause me to boast.

James says, “Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed BY HIS OWN DESIRE.” (James 1:14 ESV) If meeting in a room alone with a woman causes me to drop trou I’m pretty sure walls aren’t my answer. The answer to dealing with sexual temptation is a deep spiritual walk and honest accountability. Walls are just avoiding the real issue.

We hide behind tradition

Some of us cower behind the flimsy excuse, “People in my church just aren’t ready for women leading.” I remember when people weren’t ready for drums in the church, pastors who didn’t wear suits and lyrics projected on screens rather than printed in hymnbooks. Its funny how willing we were to challenge those preconceived notions, but we aren’t ready to stand up for our sisters who are gifted and called to lead.

Changing the prevailing patriarchy in your church will be difficult and it will take courage. If you are up for the task here are five suggestions that I believe can make a significant difference:

Creating a culture where women can lead

Seek input from women leaders on your staff and in your church

A group of men sitting around a table will not change the culture of your church when it comes to women in leadership. The first step is to seek to understand what it is like to be woman leader in your culture, and the only way to learn is to ask. I understand this is a scary proposition because you might not like what you hear, but “we are not as those who shrink back”. Here are three questions you should ask:

Does our church encourage and develop women leaders?
What is the most challenging part of being a woman and leading on our team?
What do we need to change to improve our culture for women leaders?

Include women at the highest leadership level of your church

Who could you add to your leadership team, your deacon board or your group of elders? I am not suggesting you change your theology if it does not allow for women elders. You can add women to the group without designating them as voting elders. I’m pretty sure Paul never limited who could attend or participate in elder meetings.

I’ve been told that including women on leadership teams “changes the dynamic in the room”. The inference is the discussion is more authentic and fruitful when only men are present. Imagine saying the same thing about Latinos, African Americans or Cub fans. If the reason you are excluding women is because of dynamics, then the dynamics need to change.

Coach women who may be new to leading with men

A few years ago I noticed a woman who’d recently been asked to serve on the Directional Leadership Team was always very quiet in meetings despite her obvious leadership skills and strategic thinking. After one meeting in which she had silently taken notes without speaking a word I asked what was going on. She said it was often difficult to get a word in with the men constantly interrupting and talking over one another. “Besides”, she said, “I’m not sure my opinion is really necessary.” I shared with her two observations. First, in rooms full of men if you wait to be asked you will likely never be asked. For good or bad, you have to speak up. And second, if your opinion wasn’t necessary you wouldn’t be at the table. The church needs your input.

My wife co-authored an excellent book to help women learn how to lead in a church with a predominantly male culture. I love the title: Just Lead: A no whining, no complaining, no nonsense practical guide for women leading in the church. Its a great resource to help women learn the nuances of leading with men.

Coach men who struggle leading with women

Don’t expect men to intuitively figure out how to effectively work with women leaders. Men who haven’t spent time in the marketplace may have little or no experience in an environment where women lead. Here are a few tips to get them started:

Listen: Women often have a more nuanced communication style than many men. They are more likely to include context, emotion and relationship into the discussion. Dismissing this more complex texture is a mistake. Ingrained in the narrative is the perspective men, left to their own devices, will miss.

Don’t interrupt: Men often interrupt one another, especially when the conversation becomes emotionally charged. While this is always rude, it makes it especially difficult for many women leaders to engage in the discussion.

Ask clarifying questions: It is always helpful to ask questions for understanding, but it is especially helpful when men and women are leading together. We perceive the world differently and reach conclusions in different ways. Rather than dismissing an opinion you don’t understand, ask for context.

Trust: Women who are new to the leadership table at your church have to know that you trust them to lead. Do not treat them like junior partners or children who need to be protected. Trust women to lead as intelligent adults and reinforce that trust through your words and actions.

Root out misogynists (people who dislike, despise, or are strongly prejudiced against women)

There are likely men, and possibly women, on your team who do not think women should lead. They may hide behind a screen of selective scriptures or the guise of paternalistic care, but in the end they have a chauvinistic view of men over women. They should be challenged to grow in their view or find another church in which to serve.

That may sound extreme, but would you keep a racist in leadership? Would you tolerate a leader who treated African Americans on your staff differently than everyone else, undermining their leadership? If its not ok to discriminate against a race then its not ok to discriminate against a gender.

Do you have the courage to change?

Here is the bottom line for me; our mission of bringing the Good News of the Gospel to a lost and dying world is too important to hamstring half of the leaders in our church by treating women as less than. Fully engaging women in leadership is hard work and controversial. Not everyone in our churches will agree that women can lead in the context of church, and we will face pushback. Do we have the courage to face the opposition and do the hard work of leveling the playing field for women leaders? For the sake of the Kingdom I certainly hope so.

How to know when its time to call it quits

Summer has come and it feels like everyone is on the move. Almost every day I hear of another church staff member leaving their current role and transitioning to a new assignment. At the same time a week seldom goes by that a pastor doesn’t ask if I know of any available children’s, student, worship or connection pastors. (If they could find someone to lead all four that would be awesome.) So how about you, is it time for you to leave your church and start again in a new community?

The answer is probably no, or at least not yet. Many times we move from one role to another for less than healthy reasons. We might be frustrated with leadership, tired of conflict or feeling stuck in our current role. Each of these points to unresolved issues within ourselves that need to be dealt with before we pull up stakes and move on. I have made the mistake of leaving a role because of internal issues I didn’t see or didn’t want to work on. Unfortunately when I got to my next job it turned out that I brought all of my baggage with me.

Don’t leave your current role because you’re struggling with the people you work with or because you don’t feel fulfilled in your role. A wise man once said, “How long are you going to work on what’s not the issue before you work on what is the issue?”

There are times, however, to polish up the resume and move along. Below are five situations I’ve experienced, or walked through with others, that point to a date with a realtor:

Reasons you should quit

You feel a clear call from God to a new season

Everyone feels called to do something else when things are tough, that isn’t necessarily a sign that its time to move on. A clear call, however, is a feeling that just won’t go away. You go to sleep at night thinking about your next assignment and you wake up in the morning stuck on the same thought. Your spouse is onboard, your trusted friends and mentors are on board, and you have an internal peace that now is the time.

Leaving Seacoast Church was an incredibly tough decision. I loved, and love, the church. I had great relationships with the leaders. Almost everything I knew about ministry I learned while working at Seacoast. But Sherry and I knew that it was time for a new chapter, and everyone we talked to agreed that we were hearing from God. That may be where you are today.

You do not resonate with the church culture

Sometimes you might not fit in a particular church culture. Often it is hard to tell from the outside what the culture is like, and once you are on staff you feel trapped. In those cases its important to ask a couple of questions:

What does God want to change in me through this culture?God may have you right where you need to be to shape your character into who he created you to be. Just because the culture is difficult doesn’t mean God isn’t using it to transform you.
Am I in a position to change church culture?God may have you where you are to help bring health to a culture that is unhealthy. I remember having this discussion with a friend who was in a very challenging culture and considering a move. As we talked he realized that he had been brought to the church for such a time as this. He ended up staying and he has had an incredible impact on the culture of the church.

You disagree with the overall direction of the church

This is one the most significant reason to consider leaving a church. You may be in an environment where leaders are making very poor, even sinful decisions, and the church may headed in a direction that you cannot support. The first step, of course, is to talk with leaders to try to understand or resolve the issues you are struggling. If, however, you cannot get peace about what is being done and the direction being taken it is time to leave.

Do not stay at a church you don’t believe in, following leaders you don’t support, just to collect a paycheck. You and your family will be much better off if you get a job at Walmart. God is not calling you to be inauthentic in ministry, and he is not calling you to sow discord. There are times when the best thing you can do is to simply get out.

Your role is taking a significant toll on your family

There came a time in the life of my family that I had to step away from vocational ministry. Unhealthy patterns in my leadership and relationships, combined with resentment building in my wife’s heart toward ministry and toward me, almost destroyed our marriage. After months of discord I realized it was time to step away.

The mistake I made, however, was thinking stepping out of ministry would solve our challenges. We did not continue the hard work we needed to do to reach a place of health, and ended up in a worse place than before. Only through the grace of God and some excellent counselors did we finally learn how to have a healthy marriage and a healthy ministry.

(You can read more about our journey in ministry and marriage in our new book, Together: A guide for couples in ministry)

If your family is suffering because of your role at a church you need to seriously evaluate whether it is time to step away. If you do leave, however, don’t repeat my mistake. Get the help you need to rebuild your marriage and family.

Two final pieces of advice as you are considering making a move. The first comes from a mentor who told me, “Opportunity is often temptation in disguise.” Just because you have another opportunity doesn’t mean its time to leave.

The second piece of advice comes from years and years of ministry and life; it is almost always too soon to quit. Unless one of the reasons above really resonates for you hang in there. God is still at work.